Friday, November 5, 2010
I actually had one of
the most amazing weekends. I had so much fun, building up my new friendships,
games night laughs, pizza, tacos, and an amazing sermon preached on
Sunday. I mean all my weekend was just fun, God has blessed me with my
cafe family.
Today that is not the case. I had a good day if you look at it at a superficial perspective. Today Angelo and I bonded even more, we play a whole lot more, and he trusts me more. I am really happy about this. Now looking back at my weekend I made some decisions that were probably not the ones I should have made. It is not the bad decisions that are making me feel bad. Well actually they are in a way, I feel like I want to talk with God, and as a matter of fact I do talk to him. But there is something that is separating us; I feel that is my sin. I actually hate feeling this way, because it is not the way that God wants me to feel after I ask him for forgiveness, it's as if I did not believe that he is merciful.
So, I wrote this two days ago. So that you can understand this better I was struggling a lot because I was feeling guilty. I felt guilty because many people had said that the way that I had been dressing was not appropriate. As you know the bible says that it is better for you not to be a reason to make others stumble. So this was killing me, one of the desires in my heart is to honor God, and knowing that I was a reason for others to sin was the worst thought for me. In a talk I had with my temporary father he mentioned that someone had talked with him about the way I dress. After he said that all I could do is cry and cry, he said I should have some time with God. I went to the back of the main building of the base and cried, even if I tried to stop crying I couldn't stop. The worst of all of this was that I felt that there is no one in this place who actually knows me and can talk to me about this. I prayed, I kept asking God, what is it that you want to teach me, what do you want me to do about this? I did not get an answer that night. I just knew that whatever it is that he did it was for my good.
Two days later I finally got the opportunity to talk about my feelings with friends who know me. My girl friends after I told them about it, they were like STEPH!!! Come on! You cannot let others bring you down like that. God made you perfect just the way you are you don't have to feel bad about it. You know that you don't do things with bad intentions. Actually an amazing girl I met here told me that too. It is really comforting to hear this.
I think that I actually knew about this before, it still hits me how important it is that God repeats things to us. Many times as others pray for us we listen to what they say and we think oh I already know what they are talking about and we kind of receive what they are saying but we are actually tuning out on what they say, we don't really open up our hearts. Why is it that we can't realize that it is GOD who is telling us this, if he is saying this, then it is because it is helpful for us in the moment or because he will soon put us through a test and we need this scripture to hold on to.
I find it very fascinating the way that God works through things. I had to go through all this pain to learn this, and actually I think that part of my pain was part of the devil's lie. He made me believe that it was my fault that some guys find themselves in sin because of the way God made me. I have a responsibility with this; I know it and understand it. At the same time the devil made me believe that it was completely my responsibility to make sure that no guy sins because of the way God made me. Now I know that it is also those guys who have to start controlling their thoughts. I know that there are many beautiful women out there, they cannot control the way they dress so that they don't sin. The evil one has bombarded our world by selling out image, beautiful women with hardly any clothes on. I know I am not a guy but I think it must be hard for them to contain themselves. But I don't think it is impossible for them to stop seeing these women and falling into the sin of lust.
This is all about where you have your eyes put on at the moment, if someone is concentrated on women rather than on God then it is very likely for them to fall into this kind of sin of lust. But when you have your eyes where they are supposed to be, looking at God, then it is easy to fall out of this sin; it is easy to look at other women in the way God looks at them. Obviously because if you look at others through God's eyes then there is no way that you will be sinful. I know this is true because I have asked my friends about this whole issue and they have told me that they have never seen me in that way, and when I look at the type of testimony that they have, I know and I can see that they are men who are in search of God's heart, in search of God's thoughts.
This doesn't have to be only about lust, it is about ANY sin. When we start looking at any situation in our life, anything that God has created through God's eyes then there is no way that we will be sinful. As humans this is a very hard but important task that we need to do, because the devil is out there looking for any way possible to make your thoughts be the thought that he wants you to think. Remember when the devil was tempting Jesus, he was using scripture to try to make what he was saying as if it was Godly said. I feel that, that is what the devil did with me; he used scripture to make me feel like I was the worst.
What I immediately think after I say all this is prayer and fasting. It's so important prayer, prayer, prayer. This is one of those things that God repeats all the time, one of those thing that I have a lot of trouble getting some discipline on, but it is true that if you don't pray to God to protect your thoughts then even if you pray and pray and are really close to God, on the moments you are not talking to him you might fall in sin because of the evil thoughts the devil puts in our minds. This is just basic things that all of us should know, and not only know but understand and take action. I pray to the Lord to help us all out with this, that we may always walk with him and see everything and everyone through his eyes.
There are a few things that God taught or re-taught me in the past week and these were:
1. You are good just the way that you are, you don't have to feel bad around others just because of the way God made you.
2. be careful of what you wear.
3. Learn to love others even if you think that they are the reason for your pain.
4. Keep praying and asking God to protect your thoughts from the evil one.
When tempted, no-one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone. James 1:13
“You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I
praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully
made; your works are wonderful, I know
that full well” Psalm 139:13-14
Today that is not the case. I had a good day if you look at it at a superficial perspective. Today Angelo and I bonded even more, we play a whole lot more, and he trusts me more. I am really happy about this. Now looking back at my weekend I made some decisions that were probably not the ones I should have made. It is not the bad decisions that are making me feel bad. Well actually they are in a way, I feel like I want to talk with God, and as a matter of fact I do talk to him. But there is something that is separating us; I feel that is my sin. I actually hate feeling this way, because it is not the way that God wants me to feel after I ask him for forgiveness, it's as if I did not believe that he is merciful.
So, I wrote this two days ago. So that you can understand this better I was struggling a lot because I was feeling guilty. I felt guilty because many people had said that the way that I had been dressing was not appropriate. As you know the bible says that it is better for you not to be a reason to make others stumble. So this was killing me, one of the desires in my heart is to honor God, and knowing that I was a reason for others to sin was the worst thought for me. In a talk I had with my temporary father he mentioned that someone had talked with him about the way I dress. After he said that all I could do is cry and cry, he said I should have some time with God. I went to the back of the main building of the base and cried, even if I tried to stop crying I couldn't stop. The worst of all of this was that I felt that there is no one in this place who actually knows me and can talk to me about this. I prayed, I kept asking God, what is it that you want to teach me, what do you want me to do about this? I did not get an answer that night. I just knew that whatever it is that he did it was for my good.
Two days later I finally got the opportunity to talk about my feelings with friends who know me. My girl friends after I told them about it, they were like STEPH!!! Come on! You cannot let others bring you down like that. God made you perfect just the way you are you don't have to feel bad about it. You know that you don't do things with bad intentions. Actually an amazing girl I met here told me that too. It is really comforting to hear this.
I think that I actually knew about this before, it still hits me how important it is that God repeats things to us. Many times as others pray for us we listen to what they say and we think oh I already know what they are talking about and we kind of receive what they are saying but we are actually tuning out on what they say, we don't really open up our hearts. Why is it that we can't realize that it is GOD who is telling us this, if he is saying this, then it is because it is helpful for us in the moment or because he will soon put us through a test and we need this scripture to hold on to.
I find it very fascinating the way that God works through things. I had to go through all this pain to learn this, and actually I think that part of my pain was part of the devil's lie. He made me believe that it was my fault that some guys find themselves in sin because of the way God made me. I have a responsibility with this; I know it and understand it. At the same time the devil made me believe that it was completely my responsibility to make sure that no guy sins because of the way God made me. Now I know that it is also those guys who have to start controlling their thoughts. I know that there are many beautiful women out there, they cannot control the way they dress so that they don't sin. The evil one has bombarded our world by selling out image, beautiful women with hardly any clothes on. I know I am not a guy but I think it must be hard for them to contain themselves. But I don't think it is impossible for them to stop seeing these women and falling into the sin of lust.
This is all about where you have your eyes put on at the moment, if someone is concentrated on women rather than on God then it is very likely for them to fall into this kind of sin of lust. But when you have your eyes where they are supposed to be, looking at God, then it is easy to fall out of this sin; it is easy to look at other women in the way God looks at them. Obviously because if you look at others through God's eyes then there is no way that you will be sinful. I know this is true because I have asked my friends about this whole issue and they have told me that they have never seen me in that way, and when I look at the type of testimony that they have, I know and I can see that they are men who are in search of God's heart, in search of God's thoughts.
This doesn't have to be only about lust, it is about ANY sin. When we start looking at any situation in our life, anything that God has created through God's eyes then there is no way that we will be sinful. As humans this is a very hard but important task that we need to do, because the devil is out there looking for any way possible to make your thoughts be the thought that he wants you to think. Remember when the devil was tempting Jesus, he was using scripture to try to make what he was saying as if it was Godly said. I feel that, that is what the devil did with me; he used scripture to make me feel like I was the worst.
What I immediately think after I say all this is prayer and fasting. It's so important prayer, prayer, prayer. This is one of those things that God repeats all the time, one of those thing that I have a lot of trouble getting some discipline on, but it is true that if you don't pray to God to protect your thoughts then even if you pray and pray and are really close to God, on the moments you are not talking to him you might fall in sin because of the evil thoughts the devil puts in our minds. This is just basic things that all of us should know, and not only know but understand and take action. I pray to the Lord to help us all out with this, that we may always walk with him and see everything and everyone through his eyes.
There are a few things that God taught or re-taught me in the past week and these were:
1. You are good just the way that you are, you don't have to feel bad around others just because of the way God made you.
2. be careful of what you wear.
3. Learn to love others even if you think that they are the reason for your pain.
4. Keep praying and asking God to protect your thoughts from the evil one.
When tempted, no-one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone. James 1:13
“You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I
praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully
made; your works are wonderful, I know
that full well” Psalm 139:13-14
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