Life in Norway has been way different than I expected. I'm amazed at how much I love living in Norway. It was somehow a scary thought to be here. I was entering a whole new world. New atmosphere, new people, new food and a new routine. I thought the transition was going to be easy but it was not at first. 

         Coming as a foreigner to Norway definitively requires some patience especially if you are from a culture where you're immediately accepted into a group of friends. In Norway it takes time for people to let you into their lives. However as Norwegians say, once you have a Norwegian friend, you have a friend for a lifetime. I cannot fully express to you how happy it makes me when I see the Norwegians come to me and talk, oh and when they smile, that's the best! 

         Before I came to YWAM Grimerud, I didn't have expectations about my time here. All I knew is that one of the biggest highlights in my life was seeing young Swedes getting excited about following God. Now I would have the opportunity to see the same thing happen with young Norwegians. I really do love the mission that the ministry I work with has. 

"To see a movement of young men and women living out God's calling in their lives"     

          The first three weeks I was here I still didn't know what my role would be here. When I first got here everyone knew me as the new staff for the "4.12 DTS" or the young leaders DTS. After a few weeks of just attending the lectures and being able to speak what God wanted to say to some of the students, I was able to sit down with my leader to talk about my future in YWAM Grimerud. He had seen how I interacted with the DTS and how God would speak through me. Since I don't speak Norwegian we decided that it was best for me to work with the DTS for now. I'm really excited to be part of the team even though I don't have full responsibilities this year. I would love to share with you what it means to be DTS staff until the DTS in the next fall. 

          I want to see my opportunities expand in Norway and an essential part to that is to learn to speak Norwegian! I have been praying for an easy way for me to learn. One of the options is to pay for Norwegian classes which would cost about 900 dollars per month. The other way is by full immersion into the language, basically learning as a kid learns a language.  I'm asking God to see which one is the best option, and so far the second one might happen so please pray it does! 

Here is a video of learning some Norwegian by ThatNorwegianGuy: (sorry for some of his language)

I also posted new photos! If you want to see photos of where I live go to the Photos section! 

Hey guys! 

          As many of you have already seen, I'm going to Norway! A whole new season will start now. I'm really excited for this new season in my life. I will be full time staff at YWAM Grimerud! I have seen the past few years as training for missions, but now it's time to start working. I feel mentally and emotionally equipped to start making disciples.

I just re-read the information of the ministry I will be working with in Grimerud, which is called "Make Waves". All I can say is that I am SO excited for it! Their vision is pretty much my vision for the world! This is what it says:

" We want to see a movement of young men and women living out God’s calling on their lives.

We want to raise up a generation that is reaching out to their school, community and to the nations. We do that through serving local churches and arranging events and trips both inside of Norway and abroad. Through this we will see a transformation in our nation, and Norway will return to be a sender of missionaries to the whole world."

Oh I LOVE this! I'm excited for what God will do in me and through everyone I meet.

          I definitively want to ask for your prayers as moving into another culture is not always easy. I am a little familiar with Scandinavian culture but Norway is completely different from Sweden! I am sure I will enjoy it so much but I think prayers will work so well. :) I'm also so excited because I already have all the money I need to travel to Norway! I don't need to raise money for the trip! This is the first time this happens! Thank you Jesus! BUT please pray because I still need money to be able to live there! I already have a few people supporting me and it adds up to 130/ month. I still need 120 to reach my goal! SO pray pray pray!

          It is only through adversity that we learn. I have noticed that the most significant moments of growth in my life happen in adversity. Many times we complain about hard times in life. I believe that as humans we are always looking for someone to blame for all the evil in the world. Most of the world blames God, and as some say if there is one God then it's his fault. We don't like taking responsibility for our own mistakes or acknowledging that we live in a broken world with people who do bad things which have brought sickness and death to many. Yet it's God's fault that we sin.

         I know I have blamed God for the bad things that happen in life. He is the God of the universe, above all authorities, healer, owner of riches and much more. He is sovereign. Why can't He just fix my situation? Why can't he just heal? Why can't He just give me the money I need? I have said to Him: you are God why don't you just give me what I want?  It's just our selfish hearts that lead us to believe that life is all about us. We have been taught to believe that God will only do what is good for me. But have we ever asked ourselves what is good to God? What does good mean to Him?

          This summer has been hard. I've had nothing to do, which has left me with a lot of time to just think. My thoughts just lead me to being worried or scared. I noticed that in my life I don't really spend much time just being with God. I was explaining to a friend about how I've been having a hard time spending time with God. I know that this is not ok but I've been worrying about all the money I need to raise in order to go to Norway. I was tired of trying to get somewhere but there was always a problem that came after another. I lived in fear of problems. I've been carrying a weight that Jesus promised to take. I have been worrying if God will provide or not. There is one thing my friend said that really struck me. She said "You know what Steph, I don't really think that this is about the money and how it will come. It goes beyond that. This is about how much God wants to be with you. How He wants you to set your eyes on Him only. You need to realize that He loves you and wants you to only look at Him."

It's not about our problems, it's all about desiring to know God and the love he has for us. 

          That's what this summer has been all about, learning that the alone time I spend talking to God is the most important time in my life. I have come to the conclusion that knowing God and living every moment of my life conscious of his presence is all I have to worry about. I listen to preachings and they are all redundant to me. All I can think about when I hear them is that there is no way people will live the life Jesus expects us to live unless they spend time knowing God. I am offended that when we teach we don't emphasize that spending time with God is the most important thing we need to do. In almost all of my personal applications for all the books in the Bible I said that it all comes down to knowing God personally. You can try and try to be "good" or do "good" but if you don't know God then what is the point of it all? If you don't spend time knowing God then how can you know how to love? The most beautiful thing about this is that God desires to know us more than anything. He longs for us to talk to Him about what we think and what happens in our day. One thing I know for sure is, to know God is to truly live.

          "It is our duty to live in the beauty of the presence of God on some mount of transfiguration until we become white with Christ. After all, the deepest truth is that the Christ-like life is glorious, undefeatably glorious. There is no defeat unless one loses God, and then all is defeat, though it be housed in castles and buried in fortunes."  - Frank Laubach 
                                     

     

   Unexpected, that's what this summer has been for me. I've only had so much time to try to understand all the things that happened. This season has been slow and hard to deal with but it's in these moments where we have the opportunity to grow closer to God. It's hard but it's worth it. I will share more about what I have been learning this summer in the future. For now I just want to share this letter that a man who was called Brother Lawrence wrote 300 years ago. It is from the book "Practicing His Presence". I read this and I was challenged.

"The Lord knows best what is needful for us. What He does, He does for our good. If we really knew just how much he loves us, we would always be willing to receive anything from his hand. We would receive the bitter or the sweet without distinction. 
          Anything, yes everything, would please us just because it came from Him.
         The worst possible afflictions and suffering appear intolerable only when seen in the wrong light. When we see such things as dispensed by the hand of God, when we know that it is our own loving Father who abases us and distresses us, then our sufferings lose their bitterness. Our mourning becomes all joy.
          Let all your employment be to know God. The more you actually know Him the more you will desire to know Him. Since knowledge is a measurement of love, the deeper and more intimate you are with Him, the greater will be your love for Him. And if our love for the Lord is great, then we will love Him as much during grief as in joy.
          I am sure you know that most people's love for the Lord stops at a very shallow stage. Most love God for the tangible things He gives them. They love Him because of His favor to them. You must not stop on such a level, no matter how rich His mercies have been to you. Many outward blessings can never bring you as close to God as can one simple act of faith.
          So seek Him often by faith.
          Oh, dear friend, the Lord is not outside of you, pouring down favors. The Lord is within you. Seek Him there, within...and no where else.
          Let the Lord be the one, the only , love of your life. If we do love Him alone, are we not rude if we busy ourselves with things trifles, trifles which do not please Him and some which may even offend Him? Be wise and fear such trifles. They will one day cost us dearly.
          Dear friend, would you now begin, today, to be devoted to the Lord, in earnest? Cast everything else out of your heart. He would possess it alone. Beg of Him that favor.
         Do what you can, and soon you will see that change wrought in you which you are seeking.
         I cannot thank Him enough for the relief He has given you.
         I hope, by His mercy, for the privilege of seeing Him face to face within a few days.
Let us pray for one another."

-Brother Lawrence

Practicing His Presence by Brother Lawrence & Frank Laubach, pg. 105-106. Seed Sowers Publishing

Hola!

So the time came when the bible school had come to an end. I still can't believe that I spent 9 months studying the Bible. I am so thankful to God that I got the opportunity to get to know Him better through the Bible. These months have been hard, we've cried, we've laughed, we have been blown away with how great God is and we have more questions than we did when we first started. However nothing compares to going through the Bible and seeing that we serve the one true God.



As the end came there was one question that all of us got asked multiple times and that is, what are you doing next? From past blog posts I had asked prayers to choose:

OR

So, what am I doing next?

I'm going to...

Wait what? 

 Yeah, I'm going to Norway! It was quite the journey to decide what I would do next. Part of the struggle I described in my past few blogs was about deciding if Norway was the place I should go to. I had a lot of doubt about going there because I have never been there before and I have only met a few people from Norway. But God kept on pointing me to Norway. I've had peace about it. I told a friend and she said she felt the Holy Spirit confirming it. I have a friend who gave me a plane ticket to Norway that she won't use anymore, of which by the way I need $650 dollars by July 8 in order to keep it. This would basically be half price! Finally I have been accepted as staff in the base of Grimerud! YWAM Grimerud is located about an hour north of Oslo, in a village called Ottestad. 

What will I be doing there?

         I will be working mostly with youth. As I have been in  YWAM for the past few years I have realized that I love working with youth. It makes me come alive to see people become more like God designed them to be. This is what I'm hoping to see as I work with youth from the local church, a cafe and in the Discipleship Training School.
        To be honest with you I originally was gonna go to Sweden, however God closed that door for me. But I knew that I still wanted to be in Scandinavia. So I wanted to choose a base that would have a similar ministry as the one I worked with in Sweden called the Mobilization Team. In this ministry we would visit youth groups and give some of the basic YWAM teachings about hearing the voice of God, relationships, and many other topics. As I was looking at the ministries in YWAM Grimerud I found the "Make Waves" ministry.  I read the description of the ministry and it really clicked with me. This is their vision:

"We want to see a movement of young men and women living out God’s calling on their lives.

We want to raise up a generation that is reaching out to their school, community and to the nations. We do that through serving local churches and arranging events and trips both inside of Norway and abroad. Through this we will see a transformation in our nation, and Norway will return to be a sender of missionaries to the whole world."

The vision for this ministry is like my life vision for the world and anyone I meet. I feel so privileged to be able to partner with a ministry that has the same vision as I do. So, this is what I will be doing for the next two years of my life. I am really excited about this new season and I hope to have you join me in prayer for the ministry I will work with and for the country of Norway. 

Prayer points:

1. I need $650 by July 8 for the plane ticket

2. The visa process, and for the visa to come before August 16

3. I need $650 a month for food, stay and personal things

It's been a long time since I've had a moment of inspiration to write. These past few weeks I have been through something that I never thought I would go through intensely in my life. It's the big S word, no, not the swear word, although it should be just as bad. The word is stress. I have found myself feeling stressed about everything. The weird thing is that I don't really feel like I'm stressed. I feel relaxed, just going through the motions of Bible School. It didn't really hit me that I'm actually stressed until my tongue hurt. I have been so stressed that I was biting my tongue at night!

          I didn't really start writing with the intention about talking about how stressed I've been. I actually want to talk about how wonderful the Bible School has been for me. I know, this first paragraph isn't necessarily encouraging anyone to do the Bible School. But to all of you out there thinking about doing the Bible School I am doing, this is part of the reality of it. Unfortunately stress is not meant to be part of the reality of the school. Just like stress is not meant to be the reality of our lives. 

          At the beginning of the school I think I really understood how things were supposed to work like. I had come to Mexico to study the Bible. In order to get the most out of the Bible you need to do it with God. This is a truth I forgot recently and that is why I fell under stress. At the beginning of the school I knew that my priority was to spend time with God. I would not start homework unless I had a few hours praying, playing guitar or just spending time with God. I didn't do it religiously but I did it because I knew that if I didn't do this then my homework would be crap. I mean why would you ever study the Bible on your own when you can have God's perspective on it? 

          Because I did this I learned so many amazing things! I can certainly say now that I know how God loves. Going through the Old Testament I have been able to truly see God's expression of love. He loves so much! In Genesis he shows the Israelites their identity. He tells them this is where you come from. I have created you to be a blessing and in the future you will bless the whole world. So he gives them this big revelation of who they are and then gives them guidelines as to how to be a holy people, completely different than the other nations. This was a covenant based on love. Unfortunately the people of Israel rejected God so many times. They were obedient to him sometimes this is where our Bible heroes come in, Moses, Joshua, the judges, David and many others. However they rejected God so much, and even though they basically spit in God's face, God still loved them with such a fierce love. In Jesus all this love is presented. He is the ultimate expression of that love, he gave his life for us. This is what has impacted me the most out of Bible School. Going through God's story has opened my eyes and now I can see why people say that God loves. Seriously, I know I have been just like the Israelites most of my life! And still he loves me! He loves you! 

         Honestly I don't think I would have had all these amazing revelations if it wasn't for how I put my relationship with God before my homework. This was my mistake this last quarter. Homework became a priority and not God, therefore I became stressed. I can understand now that the Bible school will come to an end that not taking care of my relationship with him has been the worst mistake I have made. If you think about it this is the same with our lives. We find other things that become priority, work, family, ministry. Don't get me wrong these are huge priorities, but if we put them before God then our world will crumble. Not because God is controlling and will make things go bad if you are not with him, but because we don't really know how to handle life apart from God. He is the only one who will give us peace, joy, wisdom, strength. We can try and get these things on our own but we'll burn out. If we drink of the water he offers us then we will never go thirsty. 

          So to all those who are thinking of doing the Bible school I'm doing. There is one word of advice I have for you. Don't you ever let yourself become proud and think that you can study the Bible on your own. Make sure you make your relationship with God a priority over homework. If you do this I will guarantee to you that you'll enjoy this school to the fullest, no stress, only joy. To all of us I say the same thing,  don't learn this the hard way like I am.  We need to remember that He is our source of life, strength, peace and joy. Let us not be proud but let's humble ourselves daily.

P.S: Thank you so much to everyone who has helped me be here! To all of you who have prayed for me or have given me money so I can continue in my studies! Thank you is not enough, but it's all I have to give! :) 

Öckerö, Sweden

Waking up is no big event in the day, really, although some days waking up is the most amazing thing that has happened. I'm talking about those days when you know you will do something amazing. You'll go to a concert, hike the highest mountains, you will travel to a new place, you will graduate and the list goes on and on about all the amazing possibilities that can happen on these special days. Because in reality most of the days we wake up with no expectations. Then you have those days when God has expectations for you in that day. 

Today was one of those days where God had expectations for me. I woke up just like any other day, but I felt something in my chest. It was a heaviness that I couldn't take away from me. In spite of this I went on with my day. After dinner we had a community meeting and today it was a worship night, no message, only worship. I hesitated about going, I have tons of homework to do and I'm behind. But one thing I've learnt recently is that I can't do homework unless I seek God, it's just not the same. I know worship is something that changes you and I still had this weight that became heavier and heavier. I knew I needed to seek him.

I sat down as we started praying in groups, the girls with me started singing their prayers. I sat there, nothing. I had nothing to express I just had worries. How will I finish paying for the school? How will I get a visa for the next place I'm going to? How do I deal with life? All these questions flooded my mind. I wanted to give this to God but I didn't know how to. The worship band started playing, as I looked at the floor, tears started falling down. I knew I had pushed God to the side. Once again I tried to be god of my own life and tried to fix my problems on my own. All these days I've been looking at a huge challenge, I need nearly 5,000 dollars. I just remember how hard it was for me to go to Sweden, I suffered a lot. Getting to Sweden has been one of the biggest challenges I've had in life, I cried, I was frustrated, I couldn't understand God's timing but I knew God wanted me to go to Sweden so I pressed on. At the end of that challenge I looked back and I was happy I persevered through it.

This new challenge I am facing looks the same as the challenge to get to Sweden. I told God I don't want to go through that horrible process again. 5,000 dollars! How will this happen? On top of that I need a constant support of 650 dollars a month! This is way too much! God, how do you expect me to work this out? But today in worship time I learned one of the most valuable lessons in life. Surrender. God broke me, I was broken. He broke my pride, my unbelief, and my unwillingness to let Him be God.

As worship was going on I kept on crying. Then I realized that I needed to surrender my thoughts to Him. This time it was different, I told God, "If my suffering will bring you glory then I will suffer, if it takes my suffering in order to have people know you then I will suffer. If my suffering will be an example of your glory then I will suffer." I wish I could explain how meaningful this moment was, but I have no words. This was the first time I told God that I will suffer because I love Him and I want everyone to know Him. I surrendered my right to live a life without suffering. I realized that there's nothing I can do to get 5,000 dollars or people to believe in my vision. That is not my weight to carry that is something that is only in God's hands. All I can do is be willing to do what he asks me to do, I can seek Him, I can worship Him, and I can love Him. This is all I can do; the rest is in his hands not mine.

This has been something we've been learning in the books of the New Testament. The gospel of Mark shows Jesus as the suffering servant. The first half of the book shows Jesus' power and authority. He healed the sick, he had authority over demons and he is the Son of God. But halfway through, the mood of the book changed. Jesus suffered. He suffered physically; he was misunderstood, rejected, and mocked. Jesus came as a servant. He didn't come as the king the Jews expected. He didn't come for riches or to gain respect from men but he came to serve, he came to suffer. Through this I learned that if we suffer, it doesn't mean God left us. If we suffer we know that we share our suffering with Christ. If the world is against our belief in Christ then we can rejoice because Jesus also suffered. He knows how it is to be rejected; he told us we would be rejected for his name. Suffering is part of our life with Christ, and I have learned today that we should embrace it. So whatever we are going through, we praise the Lord because it will bring glory to Him when He releases us from our suffering. If our suffering never ceases then we rejoice because we will be rewarded in heaven for persevering in Christ.

          Time goes by so quickly and things change without us even realizing they have at times. Life is a process of uncertain things that come. It's frightening yet exciting. One day you have no worries, the next day it seems like the world is falling over you. 

With God the most impossible things happen, you have to take risks, you persevere, your character is built up and you have hope. Wow, your character is built up! It's probably one of the hardest things to go through but in the end it's so worth it.

          I'm talking about those moments where there is nothing left for you to do but TRUST, have faith in Him. That moment when you have a problem, a situation, a circumstance, whatever you want to call it. You look at your life and you have this list of things that you need to do. On top of that you have a time limit; you need to manage your time well so that things can run smoothly. So you look back at all the things that need to get done and think how in the world will I manage to do this!? But you try to do it anyway. You start making schedules, organizing details, you find the words you think will work right to get you that job you want, you become the master of your own life. You got everything under control, everything is planned you just have to follow through. But then things don't work the way you wanted to. All these obstacles start coming and you start going through them. At first you make it through, but all this hard work starts taking a toll on you. You're tired, then you get angry at yourself, you take it on your family and those you love the most. So how is being the master of your own world working for you? You have made yourself tired and hurt those around you. 

Then you remember Him. He was always there. He promised to be with you through your trials but you pushed Him aside and became the master. He promised to take your problems, to lead you, to provide for you but that was not enough; you are the master, so you can take on those things. What now? You look back at Him. There He is looking at you deeply in the eyes. You look away you feel ashamed but his eyes show love, care, tenderness. Tears start falling down your face as he takes a step and embraces you. He holds you and his embrace tells you that everything will be alright. All your worries about life, money, plans, family fade away. You know everything will be alright. He takes the weight He promised to take and gives you rest that you can only find in His arms. He becomes God of your life again. 

This has been me in the past month. I tried. I thought I could manage to arrange what my life will look like after I'm done with the Bible School. He led me; I had the intentions of letting him do so completely. But then I took the lead. I started thinking that I could make things happen. I started taking a weight that was never mine, those things in my life I cannot control, money, visas, strength, peace, rest. I need all these things but I cannot obtain them on my own. My life is a life of faith, I don't get paid for my job, and I don't determine my future, God does. My life is not my own, I am not my own, I was bought at a price. I am now a slave to righteousness. Because of this I ought to live not in my own strength, not in my flesh, but I ought to live in the Spirit, under his leadership. This is freedom. This is the freedom I have found. Surrender, dying to myself that is what brings life. This is the truth I need to learn to walk in. 

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:10

"And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." -Galatians 5:24

"But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing."

- James 1:25

            One of the best things about the New Testament is that it convicts you; it challenges you to put away all the ideas you had about God and live in the truth that you can only find in His word. The book of James is definitively one of those books that challenges you. Through this book I have learnt that it's not about the talk but it's about actually walking the talk. James tells the Jews that they need to stop just talking about the word but start acting according to it. He goes as far as saying that if someone thinks they are religious but they don't control their tongue then their religion is worthless. (James 1:26) Worthless! Later on he says that true religion is to take care of the orphan and the widow. In other words he is saying that the way to express faith is not about how good we are about saying we are Christians, or posting on Facebook nice Bible verses but about showing that we believe. We show that we believe by following the main commandment to love God and to love others before yourself. 

           There are a few things that James talks about specifically in the book. I won't talk about them all because I think it would be good for you to read it yourself! It's only 5 chapters :) The first thing that stood out to me was about James' view on faith. He is challenging the Jews to ask for what they lack for in Faith. (James 1:2-18) He tells them that if they doubt then they shouldn't expect to receive what they ask for. This hit me so hard, knowing that I have asked for things without faith. This tells us that we shouldn't have a double standard. We shouldn't believe God does things sometimes. No. We should believe that if we ask with faith we will receive what we ask for be it wisdom, insight, strength, finances, hope, healing, freedom.
           One other thing that James highlights in the book is the Jew's mentality on money and things of the world. (James 2:1-13; 3:13-17; 4:1-17; 5:1-6) First of all he touches the issue of partiality. Many times people treat others according to the amount of money they have. "Oh, you are rich come sit in the best place we don't want you to get dirty, and you poor person you are used to sitting on the floor or close to the dirt maybe you can sit there right?" No. partiality is as much of a sin as murder and adultery are! We need to go back to the royal law "Love your neighbor as yourself". We need to look back at Jesus, he was there for the poor, the outcasts, the sinner. Let's not separate ourselves from the "sinners". Let's remember that we are also sinners.

"For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment"

- James 2:14

            James was also calling the Jews to submit themselves to the Lord. The Jews had let their own selfish ambitions take over their actions. They asked for things but they did not receive because they wanted it for their own passions. They desired what they did not have, so they coveted and did not  receive. Therefore they fought and had quarrels. We do the same things! We seek to have more money, we seek fame and acknowledgment according to the world. We get security from our financial situation. We have therefore we become proud. We seek to please people when we should be seeking to please God. We make plans about how we will go places and make more money here and there. Yet we don't even know if we will live tomorrow! We seek to have riches yet we forget that riches will rot, they are not everlasting. We need to stop having false happiness and repent. We need to acknowledge that we need to change our heart. We need to become selfless and give to those who need. We need to get out of our comfort zone and meet the poor, the orphan, the widow, the broken. We need to look at Jesus. 

           Ouch! That message hurt so much! As I read the book I was so convicted about my motivations and my actions. I asked myself, "Am I really seeking to help my neighbor? or is life all about me? I need to feel good, I need money, I need pleasure, I need comfort. Me, me me. Life has become all about me! But I have learned that there is more to life. In the moments when I do live seeing my neighbor higher than myself, I end up receiving. A selfless life is a life of freedom. 

           There is repentance available for us. We can pray in Faith that God will heal us from this sickness in our hearts. We can look for people with greater perspective and wisdom. He will open up our eyes so we may see our sin. So we may change our minds and know how to live selflessly, fully submitted to the Lord. 

"And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." 

- James 5:15-16

My prayer is that we can all live out this life that God has called us to. So we may become more like Him. 

So, as an application to the book of James we got to build a house for a family! Here are a few pictures: 

Putting up the walls!

I love working on the roof!

The team and the house after the first day! :)

The house the family used to live in. Now they will have more space for everyone!  

            I've been so excited to finally start studying the New Testament. I always saw it as an opportunity to breathe again, a ray of hope. What I was more excited about was to finally "meet" Jesus. I always imagined that moment when I would sit down to read the gospels and I would start crying just because He is so amazing. To my surprise, this is not what happened.

            I'm in a hard spot in my life. It feels like all my insecurities have decided to knock on my door again and I have opened it for them. I've been sad, I've felt lonely, I've felt rejected, I can go on and on with all the insecurities I have let in. "Meeting" Jesus did nothing to me. I loved his teachings and I wanted to believe everything that he said, except that I've let this problem take over me. I don't know how to express what has happened, it's a situation I never thought would happen to me. I've been living a soap opera. When I listen to myself share what happened I stop and re-think about what I just said. Did I really say that? Did that really happen? Wait, it did, it's real life. All this negativity has made me tired. I'm not a negative person, I am joyful, I see good where others just see that it's worthless. I've missed joyful me.

           The unexpected turn, the big twist in my story is one of the most basic things. It's funny how most of the times a simple thing is the answer. As I was studying the book of Acts, I rediscovered the most amazing being out there, the Holy Spirit. Hey, this is very exciting! For our homework we had to write an essay about who the Holy Spirit is and how the He truly works. (I can share this essay if you'd like). I rediscovered that He lives in me! He is God! I found out that He is my joy and my comfort. I don't have to hold on to challenges. I need to stop freaking out about the storm and just rest like Jesus did! I can now see how He has turned this soap opera I've been living into a huge step of freedom! I am walking in the light with my eyes closed. I know there is now way I can do this on my own and that is why the Holy Spirit is in me. He will do the things that I can't do, the things that I can't control. He will open up my eyes so I can see the light I am walking in, and know that it's good. This is the big and simple realization I had this past week. Simple but great.

           By no means I am saying that I got it all together now. But I am trying everyday to keep my hopes up and to cry out to the Holy Spirit for His comfort, peace and joy. It's not easy, I need to be reaffirmed in what I've learnt, but things are better now. I'm slowly starting to be myself again. My love and passion for the word of God is coming back! I wish I had more things to share about these two books for you, but God has had me on a different agenda. I can't wait until I share how studying the book of James has been like. I have loved it SO much.

           I also want to ask you to pray for me. There are so many things in my life that are challenging at the moment. One of them being accepting my call to sing and play worship. I've been struggling but God answered a prayer for me today. I've asked for someone who believes in me and in God's call for my life, who would teach me to play music. Today someone offered to teach me guitar and someone to teach me Piano! I've prayed for this for so long and I finally got someone to help me. Yay! :D Also, keep on praying for me in this situation I have been through, it can be hard at times and I really need support!

Thanks for your prayers!

             

Hey guys!


It's been a long time since I last wrote an update but here it goes:

CSBS (Chronological School of Biblical Studies)

CSBS has been one of the best decisions I have made in life! I can't believe I have been in this for 6 months! Time goes by so fast. In the past few months we studied the whole Old Testament. Before I studied the Old Testament, I had no idea what it was all about. All I knew were the few stories they tell you when you are a kid, oh and that God was an angry mean God in the Old Testament. But I cannot explain how different my perspective is now. It's amazing. Through the Old Testament I have learnt that God is such a loving God. I can say that now I understand why he loves and how he loves. One of the things that showed me this about him was how the people of Israel constantly failed him and he still was faithful, and he still loved them, he still gave them SO many chances to change. I look back at it and I know that God has done the same with me. This fills my heart with joy and rest. The LORD loves me, he loves YOU regardless of all the things you have done. I wish I could write all the things I have learnt in these past few months but I don't want to get you bored haha. If you want to know more please talk to me!
We are now going to start our last 3 months of the school and we will be studying the New Testament! We get to meet Jesus! I am really excited about it. I will try a new thing this quarter and I will write a little bit of the things that God shows me in each book of the New Testament! :)

Worship

There is one thing that God has highlighted in this last year a lot and that has been worship. I have known that he wants me to sing for him and to play guitar as well. This is why I did the school of worship last year; I wanted to know more about it. There was one thing that was wrong though, I never fully accepted that God really wanted me to become a musician so that I could lead worship. This happened because I could not accept that I have a nice voice. I had been more focused on how my voice sounds rather than if my heart was worshiping or not. I had even told a guy I met that I don't think my voice is meant for worship. (I meant the typical western worship) It wasn't until one night in a community meeting, in worship time something changed in me. God and I connected in a very strong way. He showed me the beauty of worship and how powerful and life changing it can be. I was singing with all my heart, and I figured that when I sang with all my heart I hit the right notes and it sounded beautiful. I believe that this is the Holy Spirit in me doing this. During the worship I told God that I want to accept this gift of singing he has given me. I declared that my voice is meant for worship, I do have a voice for worship. After I said this, everything changed. I was tired but he gave me strength. I am now ready to write songs and use my voice to sing worship to Him. WIN!

What's Next?

When you are in YWAM, everyone is eager to know what you will do next. Since we just came to the last quarter I am have officially started to pray and consider my next step. I would really love if you join me in prayer please! I have decided that my next step does involve being staff at a YWAM base for at least 2 years. There are four things that I am looking for in the next place I will be at. These are: 1. Opportunity to grow in worship. 2. Opportunity to teach the Bible. 3. I want to be able to do discipleship 4. Traveling, I want opportunities to do more traveling. These options with YWAM could fit into staffing the school of the Bible I am in or staffing the Discipleship Training school. So these are my options:




Mexico: The base offers an amazing program for those who want to be staff in the school of Biblical studies. If I stay as staff of this school I would learn to be more like a Bible scholar. This program would also allow me to do discipleship. I would also have some opportunities to participate in worship times on the base. However if I stay I wouldn't travel.







Sweden: Ever since I left Sweden I have missed it so much. If I go back to the base in Sweden I would have many options to work with. I could be staff of the School of Biblical Studies. I could work with the mobilization team, and possibly staff the mobile DTS. I could also be part of the school of worship and involved in worship times generally as well. This option would give me all the four things I look for. I am honestly leaning more towards this one, but I do want God's confirmation.




England: After I left Sweden last year, I had a spontaneous visit to the YWAM base close to London in Harpenden. When I was there I found out that like Sweden they also had a mobilization team! The mobilization team consists of traveling to local churches or even around the country to give teachings/preaching in youth groups. Plus they have an outreach ministry called "Just Go". In this base I could probably work with the DTS as well. I would also be able to grow in worship somehow. The only negative side here is that there wouldn't be any direct opportunities to work with the Bible school.

So those are my options and I shared a little bit of my thoughts on each. Please help me pray about my next step, I have so much to think about. But more than anything I want to be in a place where I will grow and be challenged to be closer to God. I want to be obedient. Thank you SO much for praying with me! I will let you know when I have my final answer.

Many times it's hard to realize that distractions are our biggest enemies. I don't know what was going on but it didn't matter how much I tried to sit down and work I could not manage to stop and study. Nothing about studying the book of Samuel sounded exciting to me, especially not the huge amount of homework we have. Seven PM, time to go back to homework came, I "started". My friend Jeremiah came into the room and said I bet you that she is doing everything but homework. I sat down "determined" to do homework, but what was the first thing I did? ...Facebook. Then Jeremiah told me the obvious solution, pray. He said "Pray so that God can take away your distractions." Why didn't I think about it before! So he and I prayed, I honestly thought God would gradually respond to my prayer, but he didn't! I focused on my homework immediately! 

        I honestly shouldn't be surprised about this, I have been learning about how God listens to our prayers, and he listens to those who seek him and love him. I started interpreting the first few chapters of Samuel. I am halfway through one of the interpretations because God has shown me something that has touched my heart so much and I just had to stop and think about it. I have been doing homework with God; we are discussing the chapters and what he is saying through the stories. He is telling me how he felt about certain situations that happened. These are real stories, they happened in real life! 

        So, this was the situation. The Israelites in the time of Samuel were slowly starting to understand who God was. They have been so influenced by the gods of the nations around them; their theology is completely off the lines. Their mayor enemies, the Philistines have come and attacked them. They killed many Israelites. The Israelites think that they have a solution. They think that if the priests bring the Ark of the Covenant (where God's presence was) then they will win the battle against the Philistines. The problem was that the priests at that time did not know God, and they were very corrupt. What happened to them? They got defeated by the Philistines, and not only that but they even stole the Ark of the Covenant! This is what I wrote:

(1 Samuel 4:1-11)

"Interpretation Question: Why didn't it work for the Israelites to bring the Ark to battle?

Interpretation: The reason why it didn't work was because it was not about having God’s presence in front of them, but it was about the situation of their hearts, and of the hearts of the priests who had the ark. The original readers could learn that it is the same for them, it is not about just the presence of the LORD being present but about the situation of their heart before the LORD, if they follow him then God will honor them in battles. What good was it for them to have God's presence if God was not pleased by their hearts? 

Timeless Truth: It is not just about having the presence of God but about your heart to God. " 

        This just hit me; we can think that if we face our problems with just the word of God then we will conquer those problems. We can recite verses and make people think that the presence of God is with us through that. But more important than just recited words or the longing of having his presence around us is that we are obedient. We cannot objectify God, he is not just an object that we carry around, and if we carry him our problems will be solved; He is God. He looks into our heart, and our intentions. Our focus should always be to know Him better, and if we know him better then we will obey and walk according to his will; He will be with us. If the Israelites had known how important it was for them to leave behind the idea that God is like other gods, and decided to really follow God then God would have helped them win the battle. It is the same with us, we cannot compare God to how people are, He is different. We cannot please God in the same way we please people. We cannot follow a certain formula so that God will help us go through our problems. The only thing we have to do is get to know him, talk to him, spend time with him, read the Bible to get to know him, but never do it on your own but do it with God. 

        This is the big revelation, it is a very basic and simple concept, but there is so much power in it. I love how everything in the Bible comes down to getting to know God so that we may love him and obey him. This is a little bit of the Bible school for you, I love it. I am getting to know God through His word. I am being transformed in the process, and my love for Him is growing more and more every day. I challenge you to sit down, read, discover who God is through the Bible. If you don't understand it, then it means that you need to study it! You won't regret it! 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Praise Report: I got the final 300 dollars I needed for this quarters tuition! I am allowed back in class! Now to continue raising support for the next quarter! My goal is $1050. 

Going through the stages of my life as a missionary, there has always been something consistent in my journey. There always seemed to be a barrier that I think keeps me from doing what I want, and that is money. It is the paper that seems to run our life. Our life usually revolves around how much money we are able to make. Unfortunately it is how we measure how worthy we are. 

However is our worth really on how much of this paper we own?

When I am taking a class with YWAM I find myself being part of the group of people that don't have money to pay for the class. Tears fall down my face whenever I am called up to the front to receive prayer because I don't have money. A sense of shame comes over me. I feel as if I am less than my other classmates who seem to have no problem to get money. Every single time I am there, God shows His power, He shows me that there is no piece of paper that will limit him. I have seen Him provide for all the money I need and He always gives me more than I ask for. 

Two days ago I was in the same spot again. As the class was praying for me tears came down my face. God was telling me, I am testing your heart. I want to see how faithful you are to me, how much do you really trust me. I was challenged to remember every time that God provided for everything I needed and trust that He was faithful before and how He is still faithful today. 

The point I want to get to is that there is nothing that limits God, not situations, not people’s lack of disposition and definitively not money. Many times we feel limited because of our background, because people around us don't support or agree with what we are doing. Then we feel limited by our circumstances and therefore we limit God's power. It becomes hard to believe that God would break the barrier of a hardened heart, or of money. Since people don't support us we make the mistake to think that maybe God is not in our side. We forget that God is not human; he is not limited by anything. Not even by our bad heart attitude. 

If there is something I have learned every time I am in need of something, is that God is faithful, that He cares to see me grow in trusting Him more and more every day. It is the same with you, no matter what you are going through, there is no depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, hopelessness, loneliness, there is nothing that will limit God from getting you out of what is troubling your heart and making you feel empty inside. Set your trust on Him, love Him and He will take care of all those things in your life that seem to be overtaking you. He is faithful and He will always be! 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

           I have been a missionary for almost three years now. Going on through life as a missionary I get a lot of people asking me what I will do with my life. I tell them " I want to be a missionary all my life". All I get is puzzled looks. I attempt to explain what I mean by being a missionary and I seem to fail. In the end they are still confused with why I do what I do. I can only think about the thoughts that run through their mind. "oh this girl doesn't know what she wants" or "It seems like she won't accomplish much because she is not even thinking about going to university, all she cares about is traveling and being a missionary, whatever that means." I might be making assumptions, but that is the vibe I get after those repeated conversations about what I do with my life. 

I have to admit that my reaction to this has been to try and find my purpose. What will I do to make this world better. As I was doing a discipleship program with YWAM. (Check the "who I work with" tab if you don't know what YWAM is). Well, as I was in that program I was eagerly praying and asking God, what is my purpose. What will my ministry focus be? As a missionary you have so many options, you can work with children, start an orphanage, help the people in the street, build houses for poor people, go to India and work with the people there. There is a whole world of options to choose from.
I was trying so hard that in the first moment of passion for an issue I had, I took it as mine. I took sex traffic and pornography as what I was passionate to fight against in life. I thought, yes, I finally found something that I can tell people I do. Maybe if I say this I will find people who believe in my vision of being a missionary. I let my identity as a missionary become Stephanie, the missionary who wants to fight against sex trafficking and sexual abuse. After I went to Sweden and wrote a paper on pornography as an addiction, I felt overwhelmed with how deep this issue is. I thought it was the root of sex trafficking and sexual abuse, but I found out that the real root of the issue is dysfunctional families and wrong ideas about other humans and their bodies. I was overwhelmed with how big this issue is and by the thousands of organizations fighting against this. I lost my passion for the issue.
I started having other interests. I explored working with youth, and just talking to them. Showing them God in me and not just telling them. I figured that the reason I had that split moment of passion for that issue was not in vain. It is only a puzzle piece to the big picture that God has for me. I cannot tell you now what is my specific purpose in life or in what direction I am taking this whole missionary thing to. I don't know. All I know is that I think this is worth it. Think about it. We are Christians, we go around saying we believe in God and what He is doing in many lives. But what is it that we are treasuring in our hearts? What are we valuing the most? Is it having the newest car, a big house and a great job so that we can store stuff? These are not bad things, I want these things to a certain degree. I can tell you that when I decided that my career is God and my whole life is God I did it thinking about this:
God is eternal. He gave me a commandment to spread His kingdom. There is nothing more valuable for me in this world than dedicating my whole life to seeing His kingdom spread out through the nations. Everything else will fade away but in the end all I will have is God. In the end all that we will have is God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. It fills my heart with joy and passion. I want to dedicate my life to seeing people believe that all that matters is having God be the Saviour of their souls. That is what I am doing with my life. That is my purpose, the reason I live. We have a choice, we either store things up on earth or focus on the eternal, and that is the kingdom of heaven. 
I am looking for people who believe in this purpose. I not only want this but I need people to be part of this with me. I am tired of doing it alone and asking people to join but no one decides to take the challenge with me. I need people to pray with me, I need back up. I need people to help me pay for this lifestyle I live. I don't get a salary for my work. If you are willing to take this challenge then write me an email, or a message on Fb saying I want to be part of this. This is me asking you to be part of it. I want a prayer team. Can you imagine if I had a prayer team how much more Jesus would do through me and through you who are praying with me? Just think about it. Take the challenge. 

I want to thank those who have taken the challenge with me in these past three years. You have been such and incredible blessing. With every donation, be it small or big, I have always smiled to the fact that there are people out there who believe in my greater purpose and our greater purpose as the body of Christ. So, Thank you! Gracias! tack så mycket!

¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.                                                     
-Matthew 6:19-21


⁷ Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

-2 Corinthians 9:7

Tuesday, September 10, 2013