Luke and Acts

            I've been so excited to finally start studying the New Testament. I always saw it as an opportunity to breathe again, a ray of hope. What I was more excited about was to finally "meet" Jesus. I always imagined that moment when I would sit down to read the gospels and I would start crying just because He is so amazing. To my surprise, this is not what happened.

            I'm in a hard spot in my life. It feels like all my insecurities have decided to knock on my door again and I have opened it for them. I've been sad, I've felt lonely, I've felt rejected, I can go on and on with all the insecurities I have let in. "Meeting" Jesus did nothing to me. I loved his teachings and I wanted to believe everything that he said, except that I've let this problem take over me. I don't know how to express what has happened, it's a situation I never thought would happen to me. I've been living a soap opera. When I listen to myself share what happened I stop and re-think about what I just said. Did I really say that? Did that really happen? Wait, it did, it's real life. All this negativity has made me tired. I'm not a negative person, I am joyful, I see good where others just see that it's worthless. I've missed joyful me.

           The unexpected turn, the big twist in my story is one of the most basic things. It's funny how most of the times a simple thing is the answer. As I was studying the book of Acts, I rediscovered the most amazing being out there, the Holy Spirit. Hey, this is very exciting! For our homework we had to write an essay about who the Holy Spirit is and how the He truly works. (I can share this essay if you'd like). I rediscovered that He lives in me! He is God! I found out that He is my joy and my comfort. I don't have to hold on to challenges. I need to stop freaking out about the storm and just rest like Jesus did! I can now see how He has turned this soap opera I've been living into a huge step of freedom! I am walking in the light with my eyes closed. I know there is now way I can do this on my own and that is why the Holy Spirit is in me. He will do the things that I can't do, the things that I can't control. He will open up my eyes so I can see the light I am walking in, and know that it's good. This is the big and simple realization I had this past week. Simple but great.

           By no means I am saying that I got it all together now. But I am trying everyday to keep my hopes up and to cry out to the Holy Spirit for His comfort, peace and joy. It's not easy, I need to be reaffirmed in what I've learnt, but things are better now. I'm slowly starting to be myself again. My love and passion for the word of God is coming back! I wish I had more things to share about these two books for you, but God has had me on a different agenda. I can't wait until I share how studying the book of James has been like. I have loved it SO much.

           I also want to ask you to pray for me. There are so many things in my life that are challenging at the moment. One of them being accepting my call to sing and play worship. I've been struggling but God answered a prayer for me today. I've asked for someone who believes in me and in God's call for my life, who would teach me to play music. Today someone offered to teach me guitar and someone to teach me Piano! I've prayed for this for so long and I finally got someone to help me. Yay! :D Also, keep on praying for me in this situation I have been through, it can be hard at times and I really need support!

Thanks for your prayers!