It is only through adversity that we learn. I have noticed that the most significant moments of growth in my life happen in adversity. Many times we complain about hard times in life. I believe that as humans we are always looking for someone to blame for all the evil in the world. Most of the world blames God, and as some say if there is one God then it's his fault. We don't like taking responsibility for our own mistakes or acknowledging that we live in a broken world with people who do bad things which have brought sickness and death to many. Yet it's God's fault that we sin.

         I know I have blamed God for the bad things that happen in life. He is the God of the universe, above all authorities, healer, owner of riches and much more. He is sovereign. Why can't He just fix my situation? Why can't he just heal? Why can't He just give me the money I need? I have said to Him: you are God why don't you just give me what I want?  It's just our selfish hearts that lead us to believe that life is all about us. We have been taught to believe that God will only do what is good for me. But have we ever asked ourselves what is good to God? What does good mean to Him?

          This summer has been hard. I've had nothing to do, which has left me with a lot of time to just think. My thoughts just lead me to being worried or scared. I noticed that in my life I don't really spend much time just being with God. I was explaining to a friend about how I've been having a hard time spending time with God. I know that this is not ok but I've been worrying about all the money I need to raise in order to go to Norway. I was tired of trying to get somewhere but there was always a problem that came after another. I lived in fear of problems. I've been carrying a weight that Jesus promised to take. I have been worrying if God will provide or not. There is one thing my friend said that really struck me. She said "You know what Steph, I don't really think that this is about the money and how it will come. It goes beyond that. This is about how much God wants to be with you. How He wants you to set your eyes on Him only. You need to realize that He loves you and wants you to only look at Him."

It's not about our problems, it's all about desiring to know God and the love he has for us. 

          That's what this summer has been all about, learning that the alone time I spend talking to God is the most important time in my life. I have come to the conclusion that knowing God and living every moment of my life conscious of his presence is all I have to worry about. I listen to preachings and they are all redundant to me. All I can think about when I hear them is that there is no way people will live the life Jesus expects us to live unless they spend time knowing God. I am offended that when we teach we don't emphasize that spending time with God is the most important thing we need to do. In almost all of my personal applications for all the books in the Bible I said that it all comes down to knowing God personally. You can try and try to be "good" or do "good" but if you don't know God then what is the point of it all? If you don't spend time knowing God then how can you know how to love? The most beautiful thing about this is that God desires to know us more than anything. He longs for us to talk to Him about what we think and what happens in our day. One thing I know for sure is, to know God is to truly live.

          "It is our duty to live in the beauty of the presence of God on some mount of transfiguration until we become white with Christ. After all, the deepest truth is that the Christ-like life is glorious, undefeatably glorious. There is no defeat unless one loses God, and then all is defeat, though it be housed in castles and buried in fortunes."  - Frank Laubach 
                                     

     

   Unexpected, that's what this summer has been for me. I've only had so much time to try to understand all the things that happened. This season has been slow and hard to deal with but it's in these moments where we have the opportunity to grow closer to God. It's hard but it's worth it. I will share more about what I have been learning this summer in the future. For now I just want to share this letter that a man who was called Brother Lawrence wrote 300 years ago. It is from the book "Practicing His Presence". I read this and I was challenged.

"The Lord knows best what is needful for us. What He does, He does for our good. If we really knew just how much he loves us, we would always be willing to receive anything from his hand. We would receive the bitter or the sweet without distinction. 
          Anything, yes everything, would please us just because it came from Him.
         The worst possible afflictions and suffering appear intolerable only when seen in the wrong light. When we see such things as dispensed by the hand of God, when we know that it is our own loving Father who abases us and distresses us, then our sufferings lose their bitterness. Our mourning becomes all joy.
          Let all your employment be to know God. The more you actually know Him the more you will desire to know Him. Since knowledge is a measurement of love, the deeper and more intimate you are with Him, the greater will be your love for Him. And if our love for the Lord is great, then we will love Him as much during grief as in joy.
          I am sure you know that most people's love for the Lord stops at a very shallow stage. Most love God for the tangible things He gives them. They love Him because of His favor to them. You must not stop on such a level, no matter how rich His mercies have been to you. Many outward blessings can never bring you as close to God as can one simple act of faith.
          So seek Him often by faith.
          Oh, dear friend, the Lord is not outside of you, pouring down favors. The Lord is within you. Seek Him there, within...and no where else.
          Let the Lord be the one, the only , love of your life. If we do love Him alone, are we not rude if we busy ourselves with things trifles, trifles which do not please Him and some which may even offend Him? Be wise and fear such trifles. They will one day cost us dearly.
          Dear friend, would you now begin, today, to be devoted to the Lord, in earnest? Cast everything else out of your heart. He would possess it alone. Beg of Him that favor.
         Do what you can, and soon you will see that change wrought in you which you are seeking.
         I cannot thank Him enough for the relief He has given you.
         I hope, by His mercy, for the privilege of seeing Him face to face within a few days.
Let us pray for one another."

-Brother Lawrence

Practicing His Presence by Brother Lawrence & Frank Laubach, pg. 105-106. Seed Sowers Publishing

Hola!

So the time came when the bible school had come to an end. I still can't believe that I spent 9 months studying the Bible. I am so thankful to God that I got the opportunity to get to know Him better through the Bible. These months have been hard, we've cried, we've laughed, we have been blown away with how great God is and we have more questions than we did when we first started. However nothing compares to going through the Bible and seeing that we serve the one true God.



As the end came there was one question that all of us got asked multiple times and that is, what are you doing next? From past blog posts I had asked prayers to choose:

OR

So, what am I doing next?

I'm going to...

Wait what? 

 Yeah, I'm going to Norway! It was quite the journey to decide what I would do next. Part of the struggle I described in my past few blogs was about deciding if Norway was the place I should go to. I had a lot of doubt about going there because I have never been there before and I have only met a few people from Norway. But God kept on pointing me to Norway. I've had peace about it. I told a friend and she said she felt the Holy Spirit confirming it. I have a friend who gave me a plane ticket to Norway that she won't use anymore, of which by the way I need $650 dollars by July 8 in order to keep it. This would basically be half price! Finally I have been accepted as staff in the base of Grimerud! YWAM Grimerud is located about an hour north of Oslo, in a village called Ottestad. 

What will I be doing there?

         I will be working mostly with youth. As I have been in  YWAM for the past few years I have realized that I love working with youth. It makes me come alive to see people become more like God designed them to be. This is what I'm hoping to see as I work with youth from the local church, a cafe and in the Discipleship Training School.
        To be honest with you I originally was gonna go to Sweden, however God closed that door for me. But I knew that I still wanted to be in Scandinavia. So I wanted to choose a base that would have a similar ministry as the one I worked with in Sweden called the Mobilization Team. In this ministry we would visit youth groups and give some of the basic YWAM teachings about hearing the voice of God, relationships, and many other topics. As I was looking at the ministries in YWAM Grimerud I found the "Make Waves" ministry.  I read the description of the ministry and it really clicked with me. This is their vision:

"We want to see a movement of young men and women living out God’s calling on their lives.

We want to raise up a generation that is reaching out to their school, community and to the nations. We do that through serving local churches and arranging events and trips both inside of Norway and abroad. Through this we will see a transformation in our nation, and Norway will return to be a sender of missionaries to the whole world."

The vision for this ministry is like my life vision for the world and anyone I meet. I feel so privileged to be able to partner with a ministry that has the same vision as I do. So, this is what I will be doing for the next two years of my life. I am really excited about this new season and I hope to have you join me in prayer for the ministry I will work with and for the country of Norway. 

Prayer points:

1. I need $650 by July 8 for the plane ticket

2. The visa process, and for the visa to come before August 16

3. I need $650 a month for food, stay and personal things

It's been a long time since I've had a moment of inspiration to write. These past few weeks I have been through something that I never thought I would go through intensely in my life. It's the big S word, no, not the swear word, although it should be just as bad. The word is stress. I have found myself feeling stressed about everything. The weird thing is that I don't really feel like I'm stressed. I feel relaxed, just going through the motions of Bible School. It didn't really hit me that I'm actually stressed until my tongue hurt. I have been so stressed that I was biting my tongue at night!

          I didn't really start writing with the intention about talking about how stressed I've been. I actually want to talk about how wonderful the Bible School has been for me. I know, this first paragraph isn't necessarily encouraging anyone to do the Bible School. But to all of you out there thinking about doing the Bible School I am doing, this is part of the reality of it. Unfortunately stress is not meant to be part of the reality of the school. Just like stress is not meant to be the reality of our lives. 

          At the beginning of the school I think I really understood how things were supposed to work like. I had come to Mexico to study the Bible. In order to get the most out of the Bible you need to do it with God. This is a truth I forgot recently and that is why I fell under stress. At the beginning of the school I knew that my priority was to spend time with God. I would not start homework unless I had a few hours praying, playing guitar or just spending time with God. I didn't do it religiously but I did it because I knew that if I didn't do this then my homework would be crap. I mean why would you ever study the Bible on your own when you can have God's perspective on it? 

          Because I did this I learned so many amazing things! I can certainly say now that I know how God loves. Going through the Old Testament I have been able to truly see God's expression of love. He loves so much! In Genesis he shows the Israelites their identity. He tells them this is where you come from. I have created you to be a blessing and in the future you will bless the whole world. So he gives them this big revelation of who they are and then gives them guidelines as to how to be a holy people, completely different than the other nations. This was a covenant based on love. Unfortunately the people of Israel rejected God so many times. They were obedient to him sometimes this is where our Bible heroes come in, Moses, Joshua, the judges, David and many others. However they rejected God so much, and even though they basically spit in God's face, God still loved them with such a fierce love. In Jesus all this love is presented. He is the ultimate expression of that love, he gave his life for us. This is what has impacted me the most out of Bible School. Going through God's story has opened my eyes and now I can see why people say that God loves. Seriously, I know I have been just like the Israelites most of my life! And still he loves me! He loves you! 

         Honestly I don't think I would have had all these amazing revelations if it wasn't for how I put my relationship with God before my homework. This was my mistake this last quarter. Homework became a priority and not God, therefore I became stressed. I can understand now that the Bible school will come to an end that not taking care of my relationship with him has been the worst mistake I have made. If you think about it this is the same with our lives. We find other things that become priority, work, family, ministry. Don't get me wrong these are huge priorities, but if we put them before God then our world will crumble. Not because God is controlling and will make things go bad if you are not with him, but because we don't really know how to handle life apart from God. He is the only one who will give us peace, joy, wisdom, strength. We can try and get these things on our own but we'll burn out. If we drink of the water he offers us then we will never go thirsty. 

          So to all those who are thinking of doing the Bible school I'm doing. There is one word of advice I have for you. Don't you ever let yourself become proud and think that you can study the Bible on your own. Make sure you make your relationship with God a priority over homework. If you do this I will guarantee to you that you'll enjoy this school to the fullest, no stress, only joy. To all of us I say the same thing,  don't learn this the hard way like I am.  We need to remember that He is our source of life, strength, peace and joy. Let us not be proud but let's humble ourselves daily.

P.S: Thank you so much to everyone who has helped me be here! To all of you who have prayed for me or have given me money so I can continue in my studies! Thank you is not enough, but it's all I have to give! :) 

Öckerö, Sweden

Waking up is no big event in the day, really, although some days waking up is the most amazing thing that has happened. I'm talking about those days when you know you will do something amazing. You'll go to a concert, hike the highest mountains, you will travel to a new place, you will graduate and the list goes on and on about all the amazing possibilities that can happen on these special days. Because in reality most of the days we wake up with no expectations. Then you have those days when God has expectations for you in that day. 

Today was one of those days where God had expectations for me. I woke up just like any other day, but I felt something in my chest. It was a heaviness that I couldn't take away from me. In spite of this I went on with my day. After dinner we had a community meeting and today it was a worship night, no message, only worship. I hesitated about going, I have tons of homework to do and I'm behind. But one thing I've learnt recently is that I can't do homework unless I seek God, it's just not the same. I know worship is something that changes you and I still had this weight that became heavier and heavier. I knew I needed to seek him.

I sat down as we started praying in groups, the girls with me started singing their prayers. I sat there, nothing. I had nothing to express I just had worries. How will I finish paying for the school? How will I get a visa for the next place I'm going to? How do I deal with life? All these questions flooded my mind. I wanted to give this to God but I didn't know how to. The worship band started playing, as I looked at the floor, tears started falling down. I knew I had pushed God to the side. Once again I tried to be god of my own life and tried to fix my problems on my own. All these days I've been looking at a huge challenge, I need nearly 5,000 dollars. I just remember how hard it was for me to go to Sweden, I suffered a lot. Getting to Sweden has been one of the biggest challenges I've had in life, I cried, I was frustrated, I couldn't understand God's timing but I knew God wanted me to go to Sweden so I pressed on. At the end of that challenge I looked back and I was happy I persevered through it.

This new challenge I am facing looks the same as the challenge to get to Sweden. I told God I don't want to go through that horrible process again. 5,000 dollars! How will this happen? On top of that I need a constant support of 650 dollars a month! This is way too much! God, how do you expect me to work this out? But today in worship time I learned one of the most valuable lessons in life. Surrender. God broke me, I was broken. He broke my pride, my unbelief, and my unwillingness to let Him be God.

As worship was going on I kept on crying. Then I realized that I needed to surrender my thoughts to Him. This time it was different, I told God, "If my suffering will bring you glory then I will suffer, if it takes my suffering in order to have people know you then I will suffer. If my suffering will be an example of your glory then I will suffer." I wish I could explain how meaningful this moment was, but I have no words. This was the first time I told God that I will suffer because I love Him and I want everyone to know Him. I surrendered my right to live a life without suffering. I realized that there's nothing I can do to get 5,000 dollars or people to believe in my vision. That is not my weight to carry that is something that is only in God's hands. All I can do is be willing to do what he asks me to do, I can seek Him, I can worship Him, and I can love Him. This is all I can do; the rest is in his hands not mine.

This has been something we've been learning in the books of the New Testament. The gospel of Mark shows Jesus as the suffering servant. The first half of the book shows Jesus' power and authority. He healed the sick, he had authority over demons and he is the Son of God. But halfway through, the mood of the book changed. Jesus suffered. He suffered physically; he was misunderstood, rejected, and mocked. Jesus came as a servant. He didn't come as the king the Jews expected. He didn't come for riches or to gain respect from men but he came to serve, he came to suffer. Through this I learned that if we suffer, it doesn't mean God left us. If we suffer we know that we share our suffering with Christ. If the world is against our belief in Christ then we can rejoice because Jesus also suffered. He knows how it is to be rejected; he told us we would be rejected for his name. Suffering is part of our life with Christ, and I have learned today that we should embrace it. So whatever we are going through, we praise the Lord because it will bring glory to Him when He releases us from our suffering. If our suffering never ceases then we rejoice because we will be rewarded in heaven for persevering in Christ.

          Time goes by so quickly and things change without us even realizing they have at times. Life is a process of uncertain things that come. It's frightening yet exciting. One day you have no worries, the next day it seems like the world is falling over you. 

With God the most impossible things happen, you have to take risks, you persevere, your character is built up and you have hope. Wow, your character is built up! It's probably one of the hardest things to go through but in the end it's so worth it.

          I'm talking about those moments where there is nothing left for you to do but TRUST, have faith in Him. That moment when you have a problem, a situation, a circumstance, whatever you want to call it. You look at your life and you have this list of things that you need to do. On top of that you have a time limit; you need to manage your time well so that things can run smoothly. So you look back at all the things that need to get done and think how in the world will I manage to do this!? But you try to do it anyway. You start making schedules, organizing details, you find the words you think will work right to get you that job you want, you become the master of your own life. You got everything under control, everything is planned you just have to follow through. But then things don't work the way you wanted to. All these obstacles start coming and you start going through them. At first you make it through, but all this hard work starts taking a toll on you. You're tired, then you get angry at yourself, you take it on your family and those you love the most. So how is being the master of your own world working for you? You have made yourself tired and hurt those around you. 

Then you remember Him. He was always there. He promised to be with you through your trials but you pushed Him aside and became the master. He promised to take your problems, to lead you, to provide for you but that was not enough; you are the master, so you can take on those things. What now? You look back at Him. There He is looking at you deeply in the eyes. You look away you feel ashamed but his eyes show love, care, tenderness. Tears start falling down your face as he takes a step and embraces you. He holds you and his embrace tells you that everything will be alright. All your worries about life, money, plans, family fade away. You know everything will be alright. He takes the weight He promised to take and gives you rest that you can only find in His arms. He becomes God of your life again. 

This has been me in the past month. I tried. I thought I could manage to arrange what my life will look like after I'm done with the Bible School. He led me; I had the intentions of letting him do so completely. But then I took the lead. I started thinking that I could make things happen. I started taking a weight that was never mine, those things in my life I cannot control, money, visas, strength, peace, rest. I need all these things but I cannot obtain them on my own. My life is a life of faith, I don't get paid for my job, and I don't determine my future, God does. My life is not my own, I am not my own, I was bought at a price. I am now a slave to righteousness. Because of this I ought to live not in my own strength, not in my flesh, but I ought to live in the Spirit, under his leadership. This is freedom. This is the freedom I have found. Surrender, dying to myself that is what brings life. This is the truth I need to learn to walk in. 

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:10

"And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." -Galatians 5:24

"But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing."

- James 1:25

            One of the best things about the New Testament is that it convicts you; it challenges you to put away all the ideas you had about God and live in the truth that you can only find in His word. The book of James is definitively one of those books that challenges you. Through this book I have learnt that it's not about the talk but it's about actually walking the talk. James tells the Jews that they need to stop just talking about the word but start acting according to it. He goes as far as saying that if someone thinks they are religious but they don't control their tongue then their religion is worthless. (James 1:26) Worthless! Later on he says that true religion is to take care of the orphan and the widow. In other words he is saying that the way to express faith is not about how good we are about saying we are Christians, or posting on Facebook nice Bible verses but about showing that we believe. We show that we believe by following the main commandment to love God and to love others before yourself. 

           There are a few things that James talks about specifically in the book. I won't talk about them all because I think it would be good for you to read it yourself! It's only 5 chapters :) The first thing that stood out to me was about James' view on faith. He is challenging the Jews to ask for what they lack for in Faith. (James 1:2-18) He tells them that if they doubt then they shouldn't expect to receive what they ask for. This hit me so hard, knowing that I have asked for things without faith. This tells us that we shouldn't have a double standard. We shouldn't believe God does things sometimes. No. We should believe that if we ask with faith we will receive what we ask for be it wisdom, insight, strength, finances, hope, healing, freedom.
           One other thing that James highlights in the book is the Jew's mentality on money and things of the world. (James 2:1-13; 3:13-17; 4:1-17; 5:1-6) First of all he touches the issue of partiality. Many times people treat others according to the amount of money they have. "Oh, you are rich come sit in the best place we don't want you to get dirty, and you poor person you are used to sitting on the floor or close to the dirt maybe you can sit there right?" No. partiality is as much of a sin as murder and adultery are! We need to go back to the royal law "Love your neighbor as yourself". We need to look back at Jesus, he was there for the poor, the outcasts, the sinner. Let's not separate ourselves from the "sinners". Let's remember that we are also sinners.

"For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment"

- James 2:14

            James was also calling the Jews to submit themselves to the Lord. The Jews had let their own selfish ambitions take over their actions. They asked for things but they did not receive because they wanted it for their own passions. They desired what they did not have, so they coveted and did not  receive. Therefore they fought and had quarrels. We do the same things! We seek to have more money, we seek fame and acknowledgment according to the world. We get security from our financial situation. We have therefore we become proud. We seek to please people when we should be seeking to please God. We make plans about how we will go places and make more money here and there. Yet we don't even know if we will live tomorrow! We seek to have riches yet we forget that riches will rot, they are not everlasting. We need to stop having false happiness and repent. We need to acknowledge that we need to change our heart. We need to become selfless and give to those who need. We need to get out of our comfort zone and meet the poor, the orphan, the widow, the broken. We need to look at Jesus. 

           Ouch! That message hurt so much! As I read the book I was so convicted about my motivations and my actions. I asked myself, "Am I really seeking to help my neighbor? or is life all about me? I need to feel good, I need money, I need pleasure, I need comfort. Me, me me. Life has become all about me! But I have learned that there is more to life. In the moments when I do live seeing my neighbor higher than myself, I end up receiving. A selfless life is a life of freedom. 

           There is repentance available for us. We can pray in Faith that God will heal us from this sickness in our hearts. We can look for people with greater perspective and wisdom. He will open up our eyes so we may see our sin. So we may change our minds and know how to live selflessly, fully submitted to the Lord. 

"And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." 

- James 5:15-16

My prayer is that we can all live out this life that God has called us to. So we may become more like Him. 

So, as an application to the book of James we got to build a house for a family! Here are a few pictures: 

Putting up the walls!

I love working on the roof!

The team and the house after the first day! :)

The house the family used to live in. Now they will have more space for everyone!