"But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing."

- James 1:25

            One of the best things about the New Testament is that it convicts you; it challenges you to put away all the ideas you had about God and live in the truth that you can only find in His word. The book of James is definitively one of those books that challenges you. Through this book I have learnt that it's not about the talk but it's about actually walking the talk. James tells the Jews that they need to stop just talking about the word but start acting according to it. He goes as far as saying that if someone thinks they are religious but they don't control their tongue then their religion is worthless. (James 1:26) Worthless! Later on he says that true religion is to take care of the orphan and the widow. In other words he is saying that the way to express faith is not about how good we are about saying we are Christians, or posting on Facebook nice Bible verses but about showing that we believe. We show that we believe by following the main commandment to love God and to love others before yourself. 

           There are a few things that James talks about specifically in the book. I won't talk about them all because I think it would be good for you to read it yourself! It's only 5 chapters :) The first thing that stood out to me was about James' view on faith. He is challenging the Jews to ask for what they lack for in Faith. (James 1:2-18) He tells them that if they doubt then they shouldn't expect to receive what they ask for. This hit me so hard, knowing that I have asked for things without faith. This tells us that we shouldn't have a double standard. We shouldn't believe God does things sometimes. No. We should believe that if we ask with faith we will receive what we ask for be it wisdom, insight, strength, finances, hope, healing, freedom.
           One other thing that James highlights in the book is the Jew's mentality on money and things of the world. (James 2:1-13; 3:13-17; 4:1-17; 5:1-6) First of all he touches the issue of partiality. Many times people treat others according to the amount of money they have. "Oh, you are rich come sit in the best place we don't want you to get dirty, and you poor person you are used to sitting on the floor or close to the dirt maybe you can sit there right?" No. partiality is as much of a sin as murder and adultery are! We need to go back to the royal law "Love your neighbor as yourself". We need to look back at Jesus, he was there for the poor, the outcasts, the sinner. Let's not separate ourselves from the "sinners". Let's remember that we are also sinners.

"For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment"

- James 2:14

            James was also calling the Jews to submit themselves to the Lord. The Jews had let their own selfish ambitions take over their actions. They asked for things but they did not receive because they wanted it for their own passions. They desired what they did not have, so they coveted and did not  receive. Therefore they fought and had quarrels. We do the same things! We seek to have more money, we seek fame and acknowledgment according to the world. We get security from our financial situation. We have therefore we become proud. We seek to please people when we should be seeking to please God. We make plans about how we will go places and make more money here and there. Yet we don't even know if we will live tomorrow! We seek to have riches yet we forget that riches will rot, they are not everlasting. We need to stop having false happiness and repent. We need to acknowledge that we need to change our heart. We need to become selfless and give to those who need. We need to get out of our comfort zone and meet the poor, the orphan, the widow, the broken. We need to look at Jesus. 

           Ouch! That message hurt so much! As I read the book I was so convicted about my motivations and my actions. I asked myself, "Am I really seeking to help my neighbor? or is life all about me? I need to feel good, I need money, I need pleasure, I need comfort. Me, me me. Life has become all about me! But I have learned that there is more to life. In the moments when I do live seeing my neighbor higher than myself, I end up receiving. A selfless life is a life of freedom. 

           There is repentance available for us. We can pray in Faith that God will heal us from this sickness in our hearts. We can look for people with greater perspective and wisdom. He will open up our eyes so we may see our sin. So we may change our minds and know how to live selflessly, fully submitted to the Lord. 

"And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." 

- James 5:15-16

My prayer is that we can all live out this life that God has called us to. So we may become more like Him. 

So, as an application to the book of James we got to build a house for a family! Here are a few pictures: 

Putting up the walls!

I love working on the roof!

The team and the house after the first day! :)

The house the family used to live in. Now they will have more space for everyone!  

            I've been so excited to finally start studying the New Testament. I always saw it as an opportunity to breathe again, a ray of hope. What I was more excited about was to finally "meet" Jesus. I always imagined that moment when I would sit down to read the gospels and I would start crying just because He is so amazing. To my surprise, this is not what happened.

            I'm in a hard spot in my life. It feels like all my insecurities have decided to knock on my door again and I have opened it for them. I've been sad, I've felt lonely, I've felt rejected, I can go on and on with all the insecurities I have let in. "Meeting" Jesus did nothing to me. I loved his teachings and I wanted to believe everything that he said, except that I've let this problem take over me. I don't know how to express what has happened, it's a situation I never thought would happen to me. I've been living a soap opera. When I listen to myself share what happened I stop and re-think about what I just said. Did I really say that? Did that really happen? Wait, it did, it's real life. All this negativity has made me tired. I'm not a negative person, I am joyful, I see good where others just see that it's worthless. I've missed joyful me.

           The unexpected turn, the big twist in my story is one of the most basic things. It's funny how most of the times a simple thing is the answer. As I was studying the book of Acts, I rediscovered the most amazing being out there, the Holy Spirit. Hey, this is very exciting! For our homework we had to write an essay about who the Holy Spirit is and how the He truly works. (I can share this essay if you'd like). I rediscovered that He lives in me! He is God! I found out that He is my joy and my comfort. I don't have to hold on to challenges. I need to stop freaking out about the storm and just rest like Jesus did! I can now see how He has turned this soap opera I've been living into a huge step of freedom! I am walking in the light with my eyes closed. I know there is now way I can do this on my own and that is why the Holy Spirit is in me. He will do the things that I can't do, the things that I can't control. He will open up my eyes so I can see the light I am walking in, and know that it's good. This is the big and simple realization I had this past week. Simple but great.

           By no means I am saying that I got it all together now. But I am trying everyday to keep my hopes up and to cry out to the Holy Spirit for His comfort, peace and joy. It's not easy, I need to be reaffirmed in what I've learnt, but things are better now. I'm slowly starting to be myself again. My love and passion for the word of God is coming back! I wish I had more things to share about these two books for you, but God has had me on a different agenda. I can't wait until I share how studying the book of James has been like. I have loved it SO much.

           I also want to ask you to pray for me. There are so many things in my life that are challenging at the moment. One of them being accepting my call to sing and play worship. I've been struggling but God answered a prayer for me today. I've asked for someone who believes in me and in God's call for my life, who would teach me to play music. Today someone offered to teach me guitar and someone to teach me Piano! I've prayed for this for so long and I finally got someone to help me. Yay! :D Also, keep on praying for me in this situation I have been through, it can be hard at times and I really need support!

Thanks for your prayers!

             

Hey guys!


It's been a long time since I last wrote an update but here it goes:

CSBS (Chronological School of Biblical Studies)

CSBS has been one of the best decisions I have made in life! I can't believe I have been in this for 6 months! Time goes by so fast. In the past few months we studied the whole Old Testament. Before I studied the Old Testament, I had no idea what it was all about. All I knew were the few stories they tell you when you are a kid, oh and that God was an angry mean God in the Old Testament. But I cannot explain how different my perspective is now. It's amazing. Through the Old Testament I have learnt that God is such a loving God. I can say that now I understand why he loves and how he loves. One of the things that showed me this about him was how the people of Israel constantly failed him and he still was faithful, and he still loved them, he still gave them SO many chances to change. I look back at it and I know that God has done the same with me. This fills my heart with joy and rest. The LORD loves me, he loves YOU regardless of all the things you have done. I wish I could write all the things I have learnt in these past few months but I don't want to get you bored haha. If you want to know more please talk to me!
We are now going to start our last 3 months of the school and we will be studying the New Testament! We get to meet Jesus! I am really excited about it. I will try a new thing this quarter and I will write a little bit of the things that God shows me in each book of the New Testament! :)

Worship

There is one thing that God has highlighted in this last year a lot and that has been worship. I have known that he wants me to sing for him and to play guitar as well. This is why I did the school of worship last year; I wanted to know more about it. There was one thing that was wrong though, I never fully accepted that God really wanted me to become a musician so that I could lead worship. This happened because I could not accept that I have a nice voice. I had been more focused on how my voice sounds rather than if my heart was worshiping or not. I had even told a guy I met that I don't think my voice is meant for worship. (I meant the typical western worship) It wasn't until one night in a community meeting, in worship time something changed in me. God and I connected in a very strong way. He showed me the beauty of worship and how powerful and life changing it can be. I was singing with all my heart, and I figured that when I sang with all my heart I hit the right notes and it sounded beautiful. I believe that this is the Holy Spirit in me doing this. During the worship I told God that I want to accept this gift of singing he has given me. I declared that my voice is meant for worship, I do have a voice for worship. After I said this, everything changed. I was tired but he gave me strength. I am now ready to write songs and use my voice to sing worship to Him. WIN!

What's Next?

When you are in YWAM, everyone is eager to know what you will do next. Since we just came to the last quarter I am have officially started to pray and consider my next step. I would really love if you join me in prayer please! I have decided that my next step does involve being staff at a YWAM base for at least 2 years. There are four things that I am looking for in the next place I will be at. These are: 1. Opportunity to grow in worship. 2. Opportunity to teach the Bible. 3. I want to be able to do discipleship 4. Traveling, I want opportunities to do more traveling. These options with YWAM could fit into staffing the school of the Bible I am in or staffing the Discipleship Training school. So these are my options:




Mexico: The base offers an amazing program for those who want to be staff in the school of Biblical studies. If I stay as staff of this school I would learn to be more like a Bible scholar. This program would also allow me to do discipleship. I would also have some opportunities to participate in worship times on the base. However if I stay I wouldn't travel.







Sweden: Ever since I left Sweden I have missed it so much. If I go back to the base in Sweden I would have many options to work with. I could be staff of the School of Biblical Studies. I could work with the mobilization team, and possibly staff the mobile DTS. I could also be part of the school of worship and involved in worship times generally as well. This option would give me all the four things I look for. I am honestly leaning more towards this one, but I do want God's confirmation.




England: After I left Sweden last year, I had a spontaneous visit to the YWAM base close to London in Harpenden. When I was there I found out that like Sweden they also had a mobilization team! The mobilization team consists of traveling to local churches or even around the country to give teachings/preaching in youth groups. Plus they have an outreach ministry called "Just Go". In this base I could probably work with the DTS as well. I would also be able to grow in worship somehow. The only negative side here is that there wouldn't be any direct opportunities to work with the Bible school.

So those are my options and I shared a little bit of my thoughts on each. Please help me pray about my next step, I have so much to think about. But more than anything I want to be in a place where I will grow and be challenged to be closer to God. I want to be obedient. Thank you SO much for praying with me! I will let you know when I have my final answer.

Many times it's hard to realize that distractions are our biggest enemies. I don't know what was going on but it didn't matter how much I tried to sit down and work I could not manage to stop and study. Nothing about studying the book of Samuel sounded exciting to me, especially not the huge amount of homework we have. Seven PM, time to go back to homework came, I "started". My friend Jeremiah came into the room and said I bet you that she is doing everything but homework. I sat down "determined" to do homework, but what was the first thing I did? ...Facebook. Then Jeremiah told me the obvious solution, pray. He said "Pray so that God can take away your distractions." Why didn't I think about it before! So he and I prayed, I honestly thought God would gradually respond to my prayer, but he didn't! I focused on my homework immediately! 

        I honestly shouldn't be surprised about this, I have been learning about how God listens to our prayers, and he listens to those who seek him and love him. I started interpreting the first few chapters of Samuel. I am halfway through one of the interpretations because God has shown me something that has touched my heart so much and I just had to stop and think about it. I have been doing homework with God; we are discussing the chapters and what he is saying through the stories. He is telling me how he felt about certain situations that happened. These are real stories, they happened in real life! 

        So, this was the situation. The Israelites in the time of Samuel were slowly starting to understand who God was. They have been so influenced by the gods of the nations around them; their theology is completely off the lines. Their mayor enemies, the Philistines have come and attacked them. They killed many Israelites. The Israelites think that they have a solution. They think that if the priests bring the Ark of the Covenant (where God's presence was) then they will win the battle against the Philistines. The problem was that the priests at that time did not know God, and they were very corrupt. What happened to them? They got defeated by the Philistines, and not only that but they even stole the Ark of the Covenant! This is what I wrote:

(1 Samuel 4:1-11)

"Interpretation Question: Why didn't it work for the Israelites to bring the Ark to battle?

Interpretation: The reason why it didn't work was because it was not about having God’s presence in front of them, but it was about the situation of their hearts, and of the hearts of the priests who had the ark. The original readers could learn that it is the same for them, it is not about just the presence of the LORD being present but about the situation of their heart before the LORD, if they follow him then God will honor them in battles. What good was it for them to have God's presence if God was not pleased by their hearts? 

Timeless Truth: It is not just about having the presence of God but about your heart to God. " 

        This just hit me; we can think that if we face our problems with just the word of God then we will conquer those problems. We can recite verses and make people think that the presence of God is with us through that. But more important than just recited words or the longing of having his presence around us is that we are obedient. We cannot objectify God, he is not just an object that we carry around, and if we carry him our problems will be solved; He is God. He looks into our heart, and our intentions. Our focus should always be to know Him better, and if we know him better then we will obey and walk according to his will; He will be with us. If the Israelites had known how important it was for them to leave behind the idea that God is like other gods, and decided to really follow God then God would have helped them win the battle. It is the same with us, we cannot compare God to how people are, He is different. We cannot please God in the same way we please people. We cannot follow a certain formula so that God will help us go through our problems. The only thing we have to do is get to know him, talk to him, spend time with him, read the Bible to get to know him, but never do it on your own but do it with God. 

        This is the big revelation, it is a very basic and simple concept, but there is so much power in it. I love how everything in the Bible comes down to getting to know God so that we may love him and obey him. This is a little bit of the Bible school for you, I love it. I am getting to know God through His word. I am being transformed in the process, and my love for Him is growing more and more every day. I challenge you to sit down, read, discover who God is through the Bible. If you don't understand it, then it means that you need to study it! You won't regret it! 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Praise Report: I got the final 300 dollars I needed for this quarters tuition! I am allowed back in class! Now to continue raising support for the next quarter! My goal is $1050. 

Going through the stages of my life as a missionary, there has always been something consistent in my journey. There always seemed to be a barrier that I think keeps me from doing what I want, and that is money. It is the paper that seems to run our life. Our life usually revolves around how much money we are able to make. Unfortunately it is how we measure how worthy we are. 

However is our worth really on how much of this paper we own?

When I am taking a class with YWAM I find myself being part of the group of people that don't have money to pay for the class. Tears fall down my face whenever I am called up to the front to receive prayer because I don't have money. A sense of shame comes over me. I feel as if I am less than my other classmates who seem to have no problem to get money. Every single time I am there, God shows His power, He shows me that there is no piece of paper that will limit him. I have seen Him provide for all the money I need and He always gives me more than I ask for. 

Two days ago I was in the same spot again. As the class was praying for me tears came down my face. God was telling me, I am testing your heart. I want to see how faithful you are to me, how much do you really trust me. I was challenged to remember every time that God provided for everything I needed and trust that He was faithful before and how He is still faithful today. 

The point I want to get to is that there is nothing that limits God, not situations, not people’s lack of disposition and definitively not money. Many times we feel limited because of our background, because people around us don't support or agree with what we are doing. Then we feel limited by our circumstances and therefore we limit God's power. It becomes hard to believe that God would break the barrier of a hardened heart, or of money. Since people don't support us we make the mistake to think that maybe God is not in our side. We forget that God is not human; he is not limited by anything. Not even by our bad heart attitude. 

If there is something I have learned every time I am in need of something, is that God is faithful, that He cares to see me grow in trusting Him more and more every day. It is the same with you, no matter what you are going through, there is no depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, hopelessness, loneliness, there is nothing that will limit God from getting you out of what is troubling your heart and making you feel empty inside. Set your trust on Him, love Him and He will take care of all those things in your life that seem to be overtaking you. He is faithful and He will always be! 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

           I have been a missionary for almost three years now. Going on through life as a missionary I get a lot of people asking me what I will do with my life. I tell them " I want to be a missionary all my life". All I get is puzzled looks. I attempt to explain what I mean by being a missionary and I seem to fail. In the end they are still confused with why I do what I do. I can only think about the thoughts that run through their mind. "oh this girl doesn't know what she wants" or "It seems like she won't accomplish much because she is not even thinking about going to university, all she cares about is traveling and being a missionary, whatever that means." I might be making assumptions, but that is the vibe I get after those repeated conversations about what I do with my life. 

I have to admit that my reaction to this has been to try and find my purpose. What will I do to make this world better. As I was doing a discipleship program with YWAM. (Check the "who I work with" tab if you don't know what YWAM is). Well, as I was in that program I was eagerly praying and asking God, what is my purpose. What will my ministry focus be? As a missionary you have so many options, you can work with children, start an orphanage, help the people in the street, build houses for poor people, go to India and work with the people there. There is a whole world of options to choose from.
I was trying so hard that in the first moment of passion for an issue I had, I took it as mine. I took sex traffic and pornography as what I was passionate to fight against in life. I thought, yes, I finally found something that I can tell people I do. Maybe if I say this I will find people who believe in my vision of being a missionary. I let my identity as a missionary become Stephanie, the missionary who wants to fight against sex trafficking and sexual abuse. After I went to Sweden and wrote a paper on pornography as an addiction, I felt overwhelmed with how deep this issue is. I thought it was the root of sex trafficking and sexual abuse, but I found out that the real root of the issue is dysfunctional families and wrong ideas about other humans and their bodies. I was overwhelmed with how big this issue is and by the thousands of organizations fighting against this. I lost my passion for the issue.
I started having other interests. I explored working with youth, and just talking to them. Showing them God in me and not just telling them. I figured that the reason I had that split moment of passion for that issue was not in vain. It is only a puzzle piece to the big picture that God has for me. I cannot tell you now what is my specific purpose in life or in what direction I am taking this whole missionary thing to. I don't know. All I know is that I think this is worth it. Think about it. We are Christians, we go around saying we believe in God and what He is doing in many lives. But what is it that we are treasuring in our hearts? What are we valuing the most? Is it having the newest car, a big house and a great job so that we can store stuff? These are not bad things, I want these things to a certain degree. I can tell you that when I decided that my career is God and my whole life is God I did it thinking about this:
God is eternal. He gave me a commandment to spread His kingdom. There is nothing more valuable for me in this world than dedicating my whole life to seeing His kingdom spread out through the nations. Everything else will fade away but in the end all I will have is God. In the end all that we will have is God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. It fills my heart with joy and passion. I want to dedicate my life to seeing people believe that all that matters is having God be the Saviour of their souls. That is what I am doing with my life. That is my purpose, the reason I live. We have a choice, we either store things up on earth or focus on the eternal, and that is the kingdom of heaven. 
I am looking for people who believe in this purpose. I not only want this but I need people to be part of this with me. I am tired of doing it alone and asking people to join but no one decides to take the challenge with me. I need people to pray with me, I need back up. I need people to help me pay for this lifestyle I live. I don't get a salary for my work. If you are willing to take this challenge then write me an email, or a message on Fb saying I want to be part of this. This is me asking you to be part of it. I want a prayer team. Can you imagine if I had a prayer team how much more Jesus would do through me and through you who are praying with me? Just think about it. Take the challenge. 

I want to thank those who have taken the challenge with me in these past three years. You have been such and incredible blessing. With every donation, be it small or big, I have always smiled to the fact that there are people out there who believe in my greater purpose and our greater purpose as the body of Christ. So, Thank you! Gracias! tack så mycket!

¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.                                                     
-Matthew 6:19-21


⁷ Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

-2 Corinthians 9:7

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

About two years ago God told me to not make any plans, that I should just follow what He has for me. I battled with this idea so much. I freaked out; I thought I wouldn't be able to have any sense of direction ever, that everything in my life would be last minute.  Later on I found out that what God meant for me is that I should just let every day come, and worry only about that day. To be aware of what He has to say to me and start acting upon it.  

As you know I came to Sweden thinking that I would be here for three months, later on that turned into 10 months in total.  Being in Sweden I was surrounded by people who had studied the Bible, they know it so well and they were passionate about the Word of God. Hearing them speak about certain things in the Bible made me realize that I don’t know the book that I claim to believe in.  Since then I have gotten a hunger to get to study the Bible, to be able to grasp who God is in a whole different level. 

Fortunately YWAM has a 9 month school in which you study every single book in the Bible, verse by verse.  More people know the school as “School of Biblical Studies” or SBS. However I will be studying the Bible Chronologically, in what is called “Chronological School of Biblical Studies” or CSBS, in YWAM Tijuana, Mexico. This school is not an easy school. It requires dedication, motivation, devotion and a huge love and desire to get to know our Maker. In this school I will spend 6 day s of the week studying the Bible.  It is a highly academically demanding school.

 I am willing to dedicate 9 months of my life to get to know the Bible. I think this is a very important step towards my calling. I know God has called me to the nations, to encourage people to live life in a whole new level.  That they may know who God really is and that they can experience Him fully.  I am willing to take the step and make an impact in this world with God. I believe that knowing the Bible and being able to study it myself is a big step into bringing God’s Kingdom to this world.  

I encourage you to partner with me in this process. I am seeking to find people who believe in me and are willing to support me however they can. Give out of what you have to help me reach this goal. Whatever it is you can give, it can be prayer, money, encouragement, or even your taxes (US and Canada), whatever God puts in your heart. Take this step with me; let’s do this together as the body of Christ. Let’s support each other. If you have prayer requests let me know and I will pray for you.

Thanks to all who prayed for me when I had no idea where to take this course at! God cleared the path very fast and showed me that going back to Tijuana, Mexico was what He had in mind for me.

Send me your prayer requests to my email: stephzepeda92@gmail.com it doesn't matter where you are from, or if I know you or not. I am more than happy to pray with you. J

If you want to know more about this course I will be taking in September click on this link.

You can give through PayPal by clicking on the Donate button.

I you want to give a tax deductible payment, or for other options click on this link.