Hola!

So the time came when the bible school had come to an end. I still can't believe that I spent 9 months studying the Bible. I am so thankful to God that I got the opportunity to get to know Him better through the Bible. These months have been hard, we've cried, we've laughed, we have been blown away with how great God is and we have more questions than we did when we first started. However nothing compares to going through the Bible and seeing that we serve the one true God.



As the end came there was one question that all of us got asked multiple times and that is, what are you doing next? From past blog posts I had asked prayers to choose:

OR

So, what am I doing next?

I'm going to...

Wait what? 

 Yeah, I'm going to Norway! It was quite the journey to decide what I would do next. Part of the struggle I described in my past few blogs was about deciding if Norway was the place I should go to. I had a lot of doubt about going there because I have never been there before and I have only met a few people from Norway. But God kept on pointing me to Norway. I've had peace about it. I told a friend and she said she felt the Holy Spirit confirming it. I have a friend who gave me a plane ticket to Norway that she won't use anymore, of which by the way I need $650 dollars by July 8 in order to keep it. This would basically be half price! Finally I have been accepted as staff in the base of Grimerud! YWAM Grimerud is located about an hour north of Oslo, in a village called Ottestad. 

What will I be doing there?

         I will be working mostly with youth. As I have been in  YWAM for the past few years I have realized that I love working with youth. It makes me come alive to see people become more like God designed them to be. This is what I'm hoping to see as I work with youth from the local church, a cafe and in the Discipleship Training School.
        To be honest with you I originally was gonna go to Sweden, however God closed that door for me. But I knew that I still wanted to be in Scandinavia. So I wanted to choose a base that would have a similar ministry as the one I worked with in Sweden called the Mobilization Team. In this ministry we would visit youth groups and give some of the basic YWAM teachings about hearing the voice of God, relationships, and many other topics. As I was looking at the ministries in YWAM Grimerud I found the "Make Waves" ministry.  I read the description of the ministry and it really clicked with me. This is their vision:

"We want to see a movement of young men and women living out God’s calling on their lives.

We want to raise up a generation that is reaching out to their school, community and to the nations. We do that through serving local churches and arranging events and trips both inside of Norway and abroad. Through this we will see a transformation in our nation, and Norway will return to be a sender of missionaries to the whole world."

The vision for this ministry is like my life vision for the world and anyone I meet. I feel so privileged to be able to partner with a ministry that has the same vision as I do. So, this is what I will be doing for the next two years of my life. I am really excited about this new season and I hope to have you join me in prayer for the ministry I will work with and for the country of Norway. 

Prayer points:

1. I need $650 by July 8 for the plane ticket

2. The visa process, and for the visa to come before August 16

3. I need $650 a month for food, stay and personal things

It's been a long time since I've had a moment of inspiration to write. These past few weeks I have been through something that I never thought I would go through intensely in my life. It's the big S word, no, not the swear word, although it should be just as bad. The word is stress. I have found myself feeling stressed about everything. The weird thing is that I don't really feel like I'm stressed. I feel relaxed, just going through the motions of Bible School. It didn't really hit me that I'm actually stressed until my tongue hurt. I have been so stressed that I was biting my tongue at night!

          I didn't really start writing with the intention about talking about how stressed I've been. I actually want to talk about how wonderful the Bible School has been for me. I know, this first paragraph isn't necessarily encouraging anyone to do the Bible School. But to all of you out there thinking about doing the Bible School I am doing, this is part of the reality of it. Unfortunately stress is not meant to be part of the reality of the school. Just like stress is not meant to be the reality of our lives. 

          At the beginning of the school I think I really understood how things were supposed to work like. I had come to Mexico to study the Bible. In order to get the most out of the Bible you need to do it with God. This is a truth I forgot recently and that is why I fell under stress. At the beginning of the school I knew that my priority was to spend time with God. I would not start homework unless I had a few hours praying, playing guitar or just spending time with God. I didn't do it religiously but I did it because I knew that if I didn't do this then my homework would be crap. I mean why would you ever study the Bible on your own when you can have God's perspective on it? 

          Because I did this I learned so many amazing things! I can certainly say now that I know how God loves. Going through the Old Testament I have been able to truly see God's expression of love. He loves so much! In Genesis he shows the Israelites their identity. He tells them this is where you come from. I have created you to be a blessing and in the future you will bless the whole world. So he gives them this big revelation of who they are and then gives them guidelines as to how to be a holy people, completely different than the other nations. This was a covenant based on love. Unfortunately the people of Israel rejected God so many times. They were obedient to him sometimes this is where our Bible heroes come in, Moses, Joshua, the judges, David and many others. However they rejected God so much, and even though they basically spit in God's face, God still loved them with such a fierce love. In Jesus all this love is presented. He is the ultimate expression of that love, he gave his life for us. This is what has impacted me the most out of Bible School. Going through God's story has opened my eyes and now I can see why people say that God loves. Seriously, I know I have been just like the Israelites most of my life! And still he loves me! He loves you! 

         Honestly I don't think I would have had all these amazing revelations if it wasn't for how I put my relationship with God before my homework. This was my mistake this last quarter. Homework became a priority and not God, therefore I became stressed. I can understand now that the Bible school will come to an end that not taking care of my relationship with him has been the worst mistake I have made. If you think about it this is the same with our lives. We find other things that become priority, work, family, ministry. Don't get me wrong these are huge priorities, but if we put them before God then our world will crumble. Not because God is controlling and will make things go bad if you are not with him, but because we don't really know how to handle life apart from God. He is the only one who will give us peace, joy, wisdom, strength. We can try and get these things on our own but we'll burn out. If we drink of the water he offers us then we will never go thirsty. 

          So to all those who are thinking of doing the Bible school I'm doing. There is one word of advice I have for you. Don't you ever let yourself become proud and think that you can study the Bible on your own. Make sure you make your relationship with God a priority over homework. If you do this I will guarantee to you that you'll enjoy this school to the fullest, no stress, only joy. To all of us I say the same thing,  don't learn this the hard way like I am.  We need to remember that He is our source of life, strength, peace and joy. Let us not be proud but let's humble ourselves daily.

P.S: Thank you so much to everyone who has helped me be here! To all of you who have prayed for me or have given me money so I can continue in my studies! Thank you is not enough, but it's all I have to give! :) 

Öckerö, Sweden

Waking up is no big event in the day, really, although some days waking up is the most amazing thing that has happened. I'm talking about those days when you know you will do something amazing. You'll go to a concert, hike the highest mountains, you will travel to a new place, you will graduate and the list goes on and on about all the amazing possibilities that can happen on these special days. Because in reality most of the days we wake up with no expectations. Then you have those days when God has expectations for you in that day. 

Today was one of those days where God had expectations for me. I woke up just like any other day, but I felt something in my chest. It was a heaviness that I couldn't take away from me. In spite of this I went on with my day. After dinner we had a community meeting and today it was a worship night, no message, only worship. I hesitated about going, I have tons of homework to do and I'm behind. But one thing I've learnt recently is that I can't do homework unless I seek God, it's just not the same. I know worship is something that changes you and I still had this weight that became heavier and heavier. I knew I needed to seek him.

I sat down as we started praying in groups, the girls with me started singing their prayers. I sat there, nothing. I had nothing to express I just had worries. How will I finish paying for the school? How will I get a visa for the next place I'm going to? How do I deal with life? All these questions flooded my mind. I wanted to give this to God but I didn't know how to. The worship band started playing, as I looked at the floor, tears started falling down. I knew I had pushed God to the side. Once again I tried to be god of my own life and tried to fix my problems on my own. All these days I've been looking at a huge challenge, I need nearly 5,000 dollars. I just remember how hard it was for me to go to Sweden, I suffered a lot. Getting to Sweden has been one of the biggest challenges I've had in life, I cried, I was frustrated, I couldn't understand God's timing but I knew God wanted me to go to Sweden so I pressed on. At the end of that challenge I looked back and I was happy I persevered through it.

This new challenge I am facing looks the same as the challenge to get to Sweden. I told God I don't want to go through that horrible process again. 5,000 dollars! How will this happen? On top of that I need a constant support of 650 dollars a month! This is way too much! God, how do you expect me to work this out? But today in worship time I learned one of the most valuable lessons in life. Surrender. God broke me, I was broken. He broke my pride, my unbelief, and my unwillingness to let Him be God.

As worship was going on I kept on crying. Then I realized that I needed to surrender my thoughts to Him. This time it was different, I told God, "If my suffering will bring you glory then I will suffer, if it takes my suffering in order to have people know you then I will suffer. If my suffering will be an example of your glory then I will suffer." I wish I could explain how meaningful this moment was, but I have no words. This was the first time I told God that I will suffer because I love Him and I want everyone to know Him. I surrendered my right to live a life without suffering. I realized that there's nothing I can do to get 5,000 dollars or people to believe in my vision. That is not my weight to carry that is something that is only in God's hands. All I can do is be willing to do what he asks me to do, I can seek Him, I can worship Him, and I can love Him. This is all I can do; the rest is in his hands not mine.

This has been something we've been learning in the books of the New Testament. The gospel of Mark shows Jesus as the suffering servant. The first half of the book shows Jesus' power and authority. He healed the sick, he had authority over demons and he is the Son of God. But halfway through, the mood of the book changed. Jesus suffered. He suffered physically; he was misunderstood, rejected, and mocked. Jesus came as a servant. He didn't come as the king the Jews expected. He didn't come for riches or to gain respect from men but he came to serve, he came to suffer. Through this I learned that if we suffer, it doesn't mean God left us. If we suffer we know that we share our suffering with Christ. If the world is against our belief in Christ then we can rejoice because Jesus also suffered. He knows how it is to be rejected; he told us we would be rejected for his name. Suffering is part of our life with Christ, and I have learned today that we should embrace it. So whatever we are going through, we praise the Lord because it will bring glory to Him when He releases us from our suffering. If our suffering never ceases then we rejoice because we will be rewarded in heaven for persevering in Christ.

          Time goes by so quickly and things change without us even realizing they have at times. Life is a process of uncertain things that come. It's frightening yet exciting. One day you have no worries, the next day it seems like the world is falling over you. 

With God the most impossible things happen, you have to take risks, you persevere, your character is built up and you have hope. Wow, your character is built up! It's probably one of the hardest things to go through but in the end it's so worth it.

          I'm talking about those moments where there is nothing left for you to do but TRUST, have faith in Him. That moment when you have a problem, a situation, a circumstance, whatever you want to call it. You look at your life and you have this list of things that you need to do. On top of that you have a time limit; you need to manage your time well so that things can run smoothly. So you look back at all the things that need to get done and think how in the world will I manage to do this!? But you try to do it anyway. You start making schedules, organizing details, you find the words you think will work right to get you that job you want, you become the master of your own life. You got everything under control, everything is planned you just have to follow through. But then things don't work the way you wanted to. All these obstacles start coming and you start going through them. At first you make it through, but all this hard work starts taking a toll on you. You're tired, then you get angry at yourself, you take it on your family and those you love the most. So how is being the master of your own world working for you? You have made yourself tired and hurt those around you. 

Then you remember Him. He was always there. He promised to be with you through your trials but you pushed Him aside and became the master. He promised to take your problems, to lead you, to provide for you but that was not enough; you are the master, so you can take on those things. What now? You look back at Him. There He is looking at you deeply in the eyes. You look away you feel ashamed but his eyes show love, care, tenderness. Tears start falling down your face as he takes a step and embraces you. He holds you and his embrace tells you that everything will be alright. All your worries about life, money, plans, family fade away. You know everything will be alright. He takes the weight He promised to take and gives you rest that you can only find in His arms. He becomes God of your life again. 

This has been me in the past month. I tried. I thought I could manage to arrange what my life will look like after I'm done with the Bible School. He led me; I had the intentions of letting him do so completely. But then I took the lead. I started thinking that I could make things happen. I started taking a weight that was never mine, those things in my life I cannot control, money, visas, strength, peace, rest. I need all these things but I cannot obtain them on my own. My life is a life of faith, I don't get paid for my job, and I don't determine my future, God does. My life is not my own, I am not my own, I was bought at a price. I am now a slave to righteousness. Because of this I ought to live not in my own strength, not in my flesh, but I ought to live in the Spirit, under his leadership. This is freedom. This is the freedom I have found. Surrender, dying to myself that is what brings life. This is the truth I need to learn to walk in. 

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:10

"And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." -Galatians 5:24

"But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing."

- James 1:25

            One of the best things about the New Testament is that it convicts you; it challenges you to put away all the ideas you had about God and live in the truth that you can only find in His word. The book of James is definitively one of those books that challenges you. Through this book I have learnt that it's not about the talk but it's about actually walking the talk. James tells the Jews that they need to stop just talking about the word but start acting according to it. He goes as far as saying that if someone thinks they are religious but they don't control their tongue then their religion is worthless. (James 1:26) Worthless! Later on he says that true religion is to take care of the orphan and the widow. In other words he is saying that the way to express faith is not about how good we are about saying we are Christians, or posting on Facebook nice Bible verses but about showing that we believe. We show that we believe by following the main commandment to love God and to love others before yourself. 

           There are a few things that James talks about specifically in the book. I won't talk about them all because I think it would be good for you to read it yourself! It's only 5 chapters :) The first thing that stood out to me was about James' view on faith. He is challenging the Jews to ask for what they lack for in Faith. (James 1:2-18) He tells them that if they doubt then they shouldn't expect to receive what they ask for. This hit me so hard, knowing that I have asked for things without faith. This tells us that we shouldn't have a double standard. We shouldn't believe God does things sometimes. No. We should believe that if we ask with faith we will receive what we ask for be it wisdom, insight, strength, finances, hope, healing, freedom.
           One other thing that James highlights in the book is the Jew's mentality on money and things of the world. (James 2:1-13; 3:13-17; 4:1-17; 5:1-6) First of all he touches the issue of partiality. Many times people treat others according to the amount of money they have. "Oh, you are rich come sit in the best place we don't want you to get dirty, and you poor person you are used to sitting on the floor or close to the dirt maybe you can sit there right?" No. partiality is as much of a sin as murder and adultery are! We need to go back to the royal law "Love your neighbor as yourself". We need to look back at Jesus, he was there for the poor, the outcasts, the sinner. Let's not separate ourselves from the "sinners". Let's remember that we are also sinners.

"For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment"

- James 2:14

            James was also calling the Jews to submit themselves to the Lord. The Jews had let their own selfish ambitions take over their actions. They asked for things but they did not receive because they wanted it for their own passions. They desired what they did not have, so they coveted and did not  receive. Therefore they fought and had quarrels. We do the same things! We seek to have more money, we seek fame and acknowledgment according to the world. We get security from our financial situation. We have therefore we become proud. We seek to please people when we should be seeking to please God. We make plans about how we will go places and make more money here and there. Yet we don't even know if we will live tomorrow! We seek to have riches yet we forget that riches will rot, they are not everlasting. We need to stop having false happiness and repent. We need to acknowledge that we need to change our heart. We need to become selfless and give to those who need. We need to get out of our comfort zone and meet the poor, the orphan, the widow, the broken. We need to look at Jesus. 

           Ouch! That message hurt so much! As I read the book I was so convicted about my motivations and my actions. I asked myself, "Am I really seeking to help my neighbor? or is life all about me? I need to feel good, I need money, I need pleasure, I need comfort. Me, me me. Life has become all about me! But I have learned that there is more to life. In the moments when I do live seeing my neighbor higher than myself, I end up receiving. A selfless life is a life of freedom. 

           There is repentance available for us. We can pray in Faith that God will heal us from this sickness in our hearts. We can look for people with greater perspective and wisdom. He will open up our eyes so we may see our sin. So we may change our minds and know how to live selflessly, fully submitted to the Lord. 

"And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." 

- James 5:15-16

My prayer is that we can all live out this life that God has called us to. So we may become more like Him. 

So, as an application to the book of James we got to build a house for a family! Here are a few pictures: 

Putting up the walls!

I love working on the roof!

The team and the house after the first day! :)

The house the family used to live in. Now they will have more space for everyone!  

            I've been so excited to finally start studying the New Testament. I always saw it as an opportunity to breathe again, a ray of hope. What I was more excited about was to finally "meet" Jesus. I always imagined that moment when I would sit down to read the gospels and I would start crying just because He is so amazing. To my surprise, this is not what happened.

            I'm in a hard spot in my life. It feels like all my insecurities have decided to knock on my door again and I have opened it for them. I've been sad, I've felt lonely, I've felt rejected, I can go on and on with all the insecurities I have let in. "Meeting" Jesus did nothing to me. I loved his teachings and I wanted to believe everything that he said, except that I've let this problem take over me. I don't know how to express what has happened, it's a situation I never thought would happen to me. I've been living a soap opera. When I listen to myself share what happened I stop and re-think about what I just said. Did I really say that? Did that really happen? Wait, it did, it's real life. All this negativity has made me tired. I'm not a negative person, I am joyful, I see good where others just see that it's worthless. I've missed joyful me.

           The unexpected turn, the big twist in my story is one of the most basic things. It's funny how most of the times a simple thing is the answer. As I was studying the book of Acts, I rediscovered the most amazing being out there, the Holy Spirit. Hey, this is very exciting! For our homework we had to write an essay about who the Holy Spirit is and how the He truly works. (I can share this essay if you'd like). I rediscovered that He lives in me! He is God! I found out that He is my joy and my comfort. I don't have to hold on to challenges. I need to stop freaking out about the storm and just rest like Jesus did! I can now see how He has turned this soap opera I've been living into a huge step of freedom! I am walking in the light with my eyes closed. I know there is now way I can do this on my own and that is why the Holy Spirit is in me. He will do the things that I can't do, the things that I can't control. He will open up my eyes so I can see the light I am walking in, and know that it's good. This is the big and simple realization I had this past week. Simple but great.

           By no means I am saying that I got it all together now. But I am trying everyday to keep my hopes up and to cry out to the Holy Spirit for His comfort, peace and joy. It's not easy, I need to be reaffirmed in what I've learnt, but things are better now. I'm slowly starting to be myself again. My love and passion for the word of God is coming back! I wish I had more things to share about these two books for you, but God has had me on a different agenda. I can't wait until I share how studying the book of James has been like. I have loved it SO much.

           I also want to ask you to pray for me. There are so many things in my life that are challenging at the moment. One of them being accepting my call to sing and play worship. I've been struggling but God answered a prayer for me today. I've asked for someone who believes in me and in God's call for my life, who would teach me to play music. Today someone offered to teach me guitar and someone to teach me Piano! I've prayed for this for so long and I finally got someone to help me. Yay! :D Also, keep on praying for me in this situation I have been through, it can be hard at times and I really need support!

Thanks for your prayers!

             

Hey guys!


It's been a long time since I last wrote an update but here it goes:

CSBS (Chronological School of Biblical Studies)

CSBS has been one of the best decisions I have made in life! I can't believe I have been in this for 6 months! Time goes by so fast. In the past few months we studied the whole Old Testament. Before I studied the Old Testament, I had no idea what it was all about. All I knew were the few stories they tell you when you are a kid, oh and that God was an angry mean God in the Old Testament. But I cannot explain how different my perspective is now. It's amazing. Through the Old Testament I have learnt that God is such a loving God. I can say that now I understand why he loves and how he loves. One of the things that showed me this about him was how the people of Israel constantly failed him and he still was faithful, and he still loved them, he still gave them SO many chances to change. I look back at it and I know that God has done the same with me. This fills my heart with joy and rest. The LORD loves me, he loves YOU regardless of all the things you have done. I wish I could write all the things I have learnt in these past few months but I don't want to get you bored haha. If you want to know more please talk to me!
We are now going to start our last 3 months of the school and we will be studying the New Testament! We get to meet Jesus! I am really excited about it. I will try a new thing this quarter and I will write a little bit of the things that God shows me in each book of the New Testament! :)

Worship

There is one thing that God has highlighted in this last year a lot and that has been worship. I have known that he wants me to sing for him and to play guitar as well. This is why I did the school of worship last year; I wanted to know more about it. There was one thing that was wrong though, I never fully accepted that God really wanted me to become a musician so that I could lead worship. This happened because I could not accept that I have a nice voice. I had been more focused on how my voice sounds rather than if my heart was worshiping or not. I had even told a guy I met that I don't think my voice is meant for worship. (I meant the typical western worship) It wasn't until one night in a community meeting, in worship time something changed in me. God and I connected in a very strong way. He showed me the beauty of worship and how powerful and life changing it can be. I was singing with all my heart, and I figured that when I sang with all my heart I hit the right notes and it sounded beautiful. I believe that this is the Holy Spirit in me doing this. During the worship I told God that I want to accept this gift of singing he has given me. I declared that my voice is meant for worship, I do have a voice for worship. After I said this, everything changed. I was tired but he gave me strength. I am now ready to write songs and use my voice to sing worship to Him. WIN!

What's Next?

When you are in YWAM, everyone is eager to know what you will do next. Since we just came to the last quarter I am have officially started to pray and consider my next step. I would really love if you join me in prayer please! I have decided that my next step does involve being staff at a YWAM base for at least 2 years. There are four things that I am looking for in the next place I will be at. These are: 1. Opportunity to grow in worship. 2. Opportunity to teach the Bible. 3. I want to be able to do discipleship 4. Traveling, I want opportunities to do more traveling. These options with YWAM could fit into staffing the school of the Bible I am in or staffing the Discipleship Training school. So these are my options:




Mexico: The base offers an amazing program for those who want to be staff in the school of Biblical studies. If I stay as staff of this school I would learn to be more like a Bible scholar. This program would also allow me to do discipleship. I would also have some opportunities to participate in worship times on the base. However if I stay I wouldn't travel.







Sweden: Ever since I left Sweden I have missed it so much. If I go back to the base in Sweden I would have many options to work with. I could be staff of the School of Biblical Studies. I could work with the mobilization team, and possibly staff the mobile DTS. I could also be part of the school of worship and involved in worship times generally as well. This option would give me all the four things I look for. I am honestly leaning more towards this one, but I do want God's confirmation.




England: After I left Sweden last year, I had a spontaneous visit to the YWAM base close to London in Harpenden. When I was there I found out that like Sweden they also had a mobilization team! The mobilization team consists of traveling to local churches or even around the country to give teachings/preaching in youth groups. Plus they have an outreach ministry called "Just Go". In this base I could probably work with the DTS as well. I would also be able to grow in worship somehow. The only negative side here is that there wouldn't be any direct opportunities to work with the Bible school.

So those are my options and I shared a little bit of my thoughts on each. Please help me pray about my next step, I have so much to think about. But more than anything I want to be in a place where I will grow and be challenged to be closer to God. I want to be obedient. Thank you SO much for praying with me! I will let you know when I have my final answer.