Thursday, October 21, 2010

I think it is amazing how beautiful God is. I really love how at first we see that things are just so messed up. As I wrote a while ago, I did not understand why I was here at this place. Why would someone go out of their country to take care of a child? I am glad God gave me the gift of faith, because he gave me faith in him, enough faith to make a very risky move. When I first got here I was lacking more faith in him. I was so stressed out; I really wanted to know the reason why I was here in Tijuana. I even remember singing a song that said "You make all things work together for my good". I did not really understand what I was saying. Now I know that anywhere I go, and that anything I do will make me grow. I probably already knew about this, but knowing and really taking something in and actually applying it to your life are different things. Right now I am learning new things, growing spiritually and in the way I am getting new friends. It is now wonderful and just amazing to be here. God has put people in my life that encourage me to seek him more. When I got here I was worried that I was only going to take care of the baby Angelo (whom I love!) and not receive classes. Turns out that a month after I got here I found a way to receive the classes...A MONTH LATER! This is just reminding me that I don't need to question God's ways of doing things. Whatever thing that is happening to you, it will ALWAYS be for your own good. God doesn't let things happen out of coincidence there is always a purpose…even when hurt is involved. God will not put you through something that he knows that you can't handle. Everything that happens to you it is because he knows you are ready for it.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."   Romans 8:28

I have this bible verse on the wall of my room in Honduras. It is so important that we learn to understand this. I thank God that now I really understand this. Now that I remember I did not really understand what Paul meant by this, and I asked God to tell me what it meant. Well he answered with this...I know that this is not the only thing I have learned. There are many things yet to happen here, after they happen or end up happening I will write about what God is doing to me here!
God Bless you all!

Thank you Ricky, I did need to write something :) 

Monday, October 4, 2010

²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."         Matthew 11:28-30
  
I'm sorry I did not finish writing the last post, I had to go. This last week has been crazy for me and also full of fun and frustration. It was until yesterday that I decided that I was done with all that. I mean I prayed and everything during the week, but you just know that it makes a difference when you do things just for doing them than when you do things because you want to. It was until yesterday that I decided to do this for real. I mean God put me in this place for some reason, I know that it is not in vain. Yesterday at night I was full of desperation, just because I was thinking ooh no tomorrow is Monday, again with the crying babies and boring mornings just chasing after them. Just thinking about this made me want to like cry and scream. God had to make me feel this way so that I would pay attention to him back again. This is pathetic but that is the way that it happened. I finally surrendered all of my problems to him. I finally let him really take control of my daily life. He was in control of the long term activities I was doing, but not in control of my daily life. That was the point I was missing. Today was a really good day; my father really did help me out with what I prayed to him. I cried, I pleaded him to help me out so that the day would not be a hard day, so that I would start doing things willingly. All I needed was an attitude change.
The funny thing about all this is that I already knew about all this, it reminds me about something that a friend preached some day, we always need to someone to remind us of things, someone who is always repeating certain things. This is hard because, when someone repeats it you say "oh I already know of this" and you don't listen to what they say. If someone is saying something that you already know, maybe it is because God wants to remind you of this. This happened to me yesterday, I am just so glad I finally let him take control. 
I feel a great peace inside of me, I feel as if everything is as it should be, because it is the way God wants it to be. I just can't help but loving him completely he is just so amazing. I want to scream it out...I LOVE JESUS!
Abba father thank you for everything, you are worthy of all praise and just the best that I could ever ask for thank you so much!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

          So, here I am God, yes I obeyed to what you wanted me to do. Ok so a while ago I prayed to God hey Lord, I want to live by faith it’s that wow really this is something I do want to do. Well I don't know about you but have you ever prayed things without exactly thinking about all the things that involve what you are asking for. Well it has happened to me twice now. As I said before I asked God that I wanted to live by faith and the other thing I asked him is that I want to serve more. I don't think that these are bad things to ask for I mean the apostles lived by this, but yeah I'm still a baby when it comes to these things. I asked God for this and wow surprise I got it!

Let me say this IT IS HARD!

          Right now I feel like I am at this place serving this family and I am so glad they are great people and they have been very understanding. It is hard I can't deny this; taking care of a baby boy is not as easy as I thought it would be at the beginning. The only thing that comforts me at this moment is that I know that God is making me go through this to grow and to learn to be a better person, someone who knows what it means to serve in the kingdom, there isn't always something that is in it for you. As of walking and living by faith wow, it’s interesting how right now I am taking these steps not knowing why, just doing things because I was called to do it. This is part of the beauty of being in love with God; you become totally dependent on him. Right now it's all him, all about him.....

To be continued!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Why is it that I am here in this world? Why is it that I believe in God if I do? Why don't I believe in God? Why didn't I believe in God at this time? Do I believe in God because my parents believe in God?

These are questions that have popped in my mind at some points in my life. I know that you have at least asked yourself one of these questions at least once in your life. I think that these are normal questions for people to ask themselves. If you take a second look at those questions you can see that they all end up going back to God. Most of the people and if it is not all of the people in Honduras have been practically bombarded with religious things since they are little. You have to go to church because uhm it’s the right thing. Many times when you were little you did things like being baptized, just because your friends at church were doing it. I know this because I did it. I thought I understood why I was doing this, I mean I did it because I accepted Jesus as my savior, the bible says you should be baptized. But think about it I don't think that when I was 12 I had a good understanding of life and why I did things. Most of the things I did were because everyone else was doing it. 

Fortunately the trend of doing things because others were doing it ended up bringing me to the best thing in my life. I remember that when I saw others going to bible studies I wanted to go because everyone else was going. I wasn't really looking for a purpose in life; I just wanted to have fun. After many hours I spent listening to this gringa say “You have to fall in love with Jesus before you find who your future husband will be", I ended up finding myself talking to this supernatural being that I can't see, that many believe that he is just a product of your imagination and he calls himself the all mighty God and the creator, of me and the universe. This is crazy, totally crazy why would I start talking to myself and pretend that I am not talking to myself but talking to God. As crazy as it seems I still did it, little by little I started to have faith in this being. I started to find out that the more faith I had in him the more amazing things started happening in my life. To mention one a trip to the United States to which I had no money to go and miraculously when I started having faith in God that he would provide money and that I would be able to go, I started receiving many donations and it happened I went to the trip, coincidence? maybe, but taking a look at what was happening in my life and the change that started happening in my heart, I don't think that it was a coincidence. Everything in my life started changing, my attitude, my goals, my activities and my friends. Every problem that started in my life was now bearable. The concept of hope started being real in my life. Now this God or the "imaginary being", however you want to call him started being real to me. He is real to me now. But how did this happen? How did I get to this point? I did not only start seeing what would happen if I had faith in him, I started feeling different. I didn't feel loved, now I do feel loved, I felt rejected, now I feel accepted. I didn't have a purpose, now I do have a purpose. Now I can definitely say that to me he is not a God that is just there on Sundays or an "imaginary being". He is real to me in my heart; he stole my heart and made me who I am now. Even in the middle of a very struggling life I see his power and I feel peace and hope that what I have is the best for me. Now, God is not just God he is my father, my counselor, my true best friend and I love him for what he has done, I have seen in many ways in my life how his word is real. It is real because I have lived it and seen his power. So you be the judge yourself if he is or isn't real, but don't do this before you have tried it. 

Why is it that I am here in this world?

 "For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him."    Colossians 1:16 

I was created by him so now I will live for him and tell everyone about him. 

Why is it that I believe in God if I do?

I believe in him because I have seen him work in my life in miraculous ways. I believe because I can feel him here right now in this moment whispering to my ears “I love you" and I know he is the only love that will NEVER fail me. 

Why don't I believe in God?

This is a question that you can answer yourself if you don't. Personally I wouldn't believe in God if he gave me a personal reason not to believe in him.

Why didn't I believe in God at this time?

Many times it happens that we lose our faith that God may do something in our life. We probably didn't believe in him because we were not having a time of our day that we dedicate to him, (this should be at all times though).

Do I believe in God because my parents did?

Probably I did and just as everyone. When I got older I matured enough to make the decision if he was real to me or not. I am so thankful he is real in my life. 

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The following paragraph was something I wrote like a month ago. I was sitting in a friend’s room and this is what I wrote:

"I just killed an ant and for some reason I felt really bad. The ant wasn't really bothering me. When I saw it smashed in my finger it just hurt my heart. Why is it that we have to hurt those who are not bothering us? We just look at them and hurt them just because we think that they are going to affect what we have or, because we think that they are going to do something wrong to us. So as a defensive act we hurt them and smash them with our finger. It isn't until we really take a look at them that we realize that we hurt them and we feel bad. Sometimes we don't realize it ourselves when we look back, but others have to tell us that we have hurt them and that it was wrong. Later we may realize that what we did, we can't just simply take it back."

I know this is something pretty random. If you are one of those people who like to analyze others then you might say “What she was going through, that she had this random thought about simply killing an ant?". I mean this is something that some of us do every day, I just killed an ant oh you're in trouble! No we never say that. Well to those of you who asked yourselves that question the answer is yes, something irritating had happened to me....

Okay I have to get this out of my chest; from a long time ago I tried to just ignore it. I'm not going to make a huge deal about it but I am dead serious about what I am about to write. I don't really know how to correctly start this but this is how I'll start, after a normal church day a friend of mine told me that someone had said to her that I had been flirting with this guy that I had met just a week ago. The person who told this to my friend thought that I needed some advice because I had been "flirting" with this guy. I immediately got mad at this that I was being told. I know that I did not flirt with this guy, if you don't know me well I am a very happy person I really like to make people feel welcome and comfortable when they are new to a group or a country. Unfortunately there are people who think that they know who I am and what I want in life. I have some things I would like to point out: first of all I was not flirting with him. Second, don't confuse flirting with being nice to someone. Third I am really serious when I say that right now I am only focusing on God. I am not the type of person who would go to church to flirt and make new guy friends. Don't get me wrong with this, I am not going to lie this makes me really mad, especially because the person who said this, whom I do not know who it is, is someone who is or pretends to be a friend of mine. It just hurts to know that someone that you love is thinking that when you go to church your mind is on guys and not on God. By this I am not saying that it is bad to like someone from your church, it's normal if you do. Try not to make that person the center of your existence, remember God is always the center of your existence. For a moment imagine that I like someone from my church, so what, I would never concentrate on falling for him and not falling for my lovely God. If you ever see that someone in your church likes another person be sure that you are not the gossiper who is the first one to be telling everyone "hey this person likes this other person"..."how do you know"..."Well you can just tell by the way this person acts" DON'T DO THIS!!! Hello this is wrong! Did you just realize that you started a rumor! Don't ever say a thing if you are not 100 percent sure that it is true and you have asked that person that you are going to talk about and verified that what you are saying is true. Even if you know it's true it is not of you business or others business to know others personal life. This just doesn't only apply to someone liking another person, it applies to anything that there is to be said about another person. Remember that the bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing"  

This passage clearly says encourage one another, it does not say talk bad about others and expect them to still trust you. The second part of the passage says "...just as in fact you are doing.", so it is expected for you to be doing this encouraging one another.  

2 Corinthians 6:3 says “We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited." This passage is in regard to when you start gossiping about others, you are being a stumbling block to the person that you are telling the "juicy gossip". We have to understand that gossiping is one of the biggest things that bring a ministry down. Don't try to be helpful by saying certain things and then you don't even know if what you are saying will end up helping that other person or actually bringing them down. Unfortunately in that case the person who said that about me probably thought that they were doing well, when actually for a moment they brought bitterness to my day. Thank God I have learned before that if we start living on what others start thinking about us then we won't be able to be pillars of a strong ministry. I just felt I had to say this because first I had to make clear that I don't go to church to search for a guy but to search the presence of God. Secondly because it is so important to know that we have to stop gossiping and start building each other up. Remember before you are about to say something about someone else ask yourself “will this be an encouragement for my brother or am I going to act as a stumbling block?" 

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

"You dear children have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."

                                                                                             1 John 4:4

I am not going to actually talk about the bible verse I posted above... I just like the bible verse. The only comment I can make about it is, God is so amazing, I feel so good that he is in me and that he is greater than the one who is in the world, in other words Satan.

Well I'm going to continue my super long story of what has been going on lately. Like I said before I was and still am excited about trusting that God will take me to Europe to make a difference. Yeah I know how can just one person make a difference, well I believe that God will use me in incredible ways and by that I mean that I am going to always try to be as radical as I can. 
So at the beginning of the month I was trying really hard to find ways I could attend a DTS in Hamburg, Germany. I was psyched out if I could say that, I was so excited I sent an email to their base, I sent personal messages to one of the leaders, and well I did what I could do. So during all this month I was so eager to check out my email to see if the YWAM Hamburg base had responded to my email. Unfortunately it never came. Days and days passed by and on the outside I seemed unstoppable, if you saw me you would say wow you are really committed and convinced that you are going, that's admirable! Unfortunately on the inside I kind of had that sweet emotion, but there was still the deceiving feeling of doubt. To tell the truth I was desperate and losing my hopes because they didn't answer my email, I thought that probably all that I have been thinking of was just some dumb idea I had. I strongly believed that I had to go to Hamburg and that there was no other German base that I would go to. I was very disappointed because the Hamburg base leaders never answered, so I "betrayed" them. I started looking for other bases in Germany. I actually found the perfect DTS, the Go Europe Mobile DTS. As I said before my calling is in Europe, not specifically Germany. This DTS starts out in Germany and then moves from the north to the south of Europe. This is what it said:

"...our desire is that in each place where we've been, we will leave something behind. We want to be used by God and experience His guidance, power and provision. 
This DTS is a mobile learning community that’s traveling from the north to the south of Europe, and while we are doing this, we trust that we will see God moving and bringing change...will be on the road to not only see the beauty of the cities we’ll go to, but to we want to go beyond minister in the darkest boroughs and engage with the challenge. We want to feel God’s mercy for the prostitutes of Amsterdam, feel God’s broken heart for the Muslim migrants that live in the ghettos of Paris, for the drug addicts in the streets of Hamburg….
After the 12 weeks of lecture in some of the countries of Europe, we will take you even further to Asia, the Middle East or Africa, and maybe even more deeply into Europe - however God leads us...you will deepen the things you have learned and apply it even more to reach the lost and to serve the poor and needy. 
Come to Europe! Learn, become passionate, overcome passivity, reach out to the lost, and have an amazing group of people around you from all over the world that will encourage and help you to grow and change into the person God intended you to be. Seek growth! Seek change! Become active! Become someone who brings change into the nations of this world."

Ok, don't tell me you read that and did not get exited, it’s just amazing! I read that and say this is perfect for what God has put in my heart to do in Europe. So “this is it” I said, I’m going. If God could write in words what he had put in my heart, he had done it with the description of this DTS. I love the last sentence “Become someone who brings change into the nations of this world.” That is what I want to do…for the moment God just has put in my heart Europe but who knows! Maybe he has something else for me. I didn't quite understand this a week ago. I was so concentrated on going to Europe I was missing the other offer I had, and that was to go to Mexico. I had to make a decision, I wasn't aware of this until my brother told me, “hey Steph have you considered going to Mexico, I mean it is a good offer for you to go there, and God already provided the money for you to go there” Wow, for me this was DILEMMA! Should I do what I feel like doing or what He has ready to go for me? Finally I decided to do what my heart felt like doing, and at the same time I asked God for his will to be done. 
Later on, Yvonne from the base in Herrnhut, Germany finally responded my email and sent me my application and reference form. I was really seeing that I was going to go to Germany. I was so excited, so happy…To my surprise later on they sent me an email saying that they don’t think that I could assist the DTS because getting a visa takes at least 2 months and we are 1 month away from the starting time of the DTS. At first I tried to pull it all together and simply hide my sadness behind my usual mask of happiness and somehow looking “mature” by accepting that God didn't want me to go to the DTS on October. I was at a friend’s house when I found out I wasn't going, at least I didn't completely fake my smiles, I wasn't being myself at that time. I sunk myself into my own blackberry world and was impolitely paying no attention to a friend that I only see twice a year at least. Fortunately the blackberry world helped me in the long run. As I was on msn A very good friend reminded me that it was God who didn't want me to go, maybe God has something better or different, you just never know. That is the beauty of God he loves to surprise his children, and that is one of the reasons I like to follow him, he always has something special and DIFFERENT for me. Now I know where I am supposed to go, and that is Mexico, if it’s still in God’s will I will leave the twenty third to Mexico, to learn how to be a leader and in the way take care of a beautiful baby boy. Now I can say I feel a complete peace, because I am going to do what HE wants me to do! :)

Monday, September 6, 2010

I was supposed to continue my year thought journey because it you didn't know I am not done...yes there's more! I have most of it written but I'm not quite done yet.

I have been thinking lately, what will I get out of writing this blog? I still don't know the answer to that question. I mean is it really that important for others to know my thoughts, it's enough if God knows my thoughts right. Maybe I write because other than talking I have discovered that I like to write down my thoughts, that way I don't get distracted on silly stuff. I have been joining pages so that others can view my blog and read my thoughts. I am letting you and other strangers to read my thoughts, what's in my heart. It feels weird as if I am just publishing my life on the internet. Possibly I am overexposing my thoughts. I know that anyone who reads this will get a different perspective on who I am. Maybe at the end that is what all is about; I want people to know that there is more to me than just a big smile on my face, so that they can see the depth of that smile. In other words so that you can see that for me there is more to life than just looking on the outside of people and how they appear to be just not judging because of a silly first impression. There is more to me than a girl who you saw dancing at a party, its fun to dance, but to me things like that is not something I need to live. My real purpose in life is to do what God wants me to do; it’s the only thing that I can wholeheartedly say that I am passionate about.